"See your memories" on Facebook - 6 years ago

So Facebook reminded me of my memories. and this was what happened 6 years ago. Goodness I feel old. I also do miss Poly times. When everything was fun. And this stupid SP wasn't an aeroplane pilot yet._.

He used to be such a good friend!! Nonetheless, I still have Deanna and ZG(: I do miss Jasper too.

Random; I took my 1st paper today and bumped into Jiawei(: It was so heartwarming when he said to me that he thinks/imagines me to be someone who work with kids. And I was like I WANT LEH!! Thinking to find children-related jobs when I grad(: But long way to go. Exams are here but stressed 'cuz I didn't study.

1st paper down  ut did badly. Hope to pass ba..

♡

A thousand times I've failed

Still Your mercy remains

And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your Grace

♡

The Cold War

So we have not been speaking since Friday. Because of long story, and basically because I went suntan with Deanna (and ZG) on Sun.

So somehow he was just being his typical controlling self, asking lots of questions again and again when I already answered and generally the conversation was going bad.

Then after that he mentioned that even if I lie he also wouldn't know if I didn't tell him honestly (about whether I will be wearing a bikini). And I was really quite pissed because end of the day the trust is still not there. I have proven myself countless of times but despite it all he still doubts me. I dunno. Everytime go out with friends he will keep telling me don't go drinking even though I have proved that I haven't drunk with my friends for super long and I don't. But regardless of that, he still doubts me. Tell me once is fine, but not keep repeating it. Telling me once I will be abit turned off also because I have already consistently proved myself so why still need to bring it up? But repeatedly just makes me so mad. Means the 1st time I said I won't he doesn't believe or trust at all.

Anyway so in a fit of anger I replied that trust is fundamental in a relationship and if he always don't trust me the relationship won't be able to last!

And he immediately got all negative as if I said wanna break like that. So anyway, then after that we cold war. Not before he was sarcastic and said that he will think through about what I said and make the right decision. The fuck is 'the right decision'.

I dunno.

My whole emotions are all very confused now. But I refuse to be the first to speak. And tbh I think this time, he feels the same way too. Normally in the end he comes and talks to me first (but not in a nice way. Usually in the blaming way like saying I can do perfectly fine without him it seems etcetc. Which then leads to another quarrel. And he always insists he comes and talks to me first, NICELY. Wth).

Random blogspot filled with random stuff

But first, HI DEANNAAAA!! HAHAHAHAHA!!

Anyway! You are like my one and only loyal blog reader so I can greet you by name. SO COOL HOR. HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway! I came across this video on Clicknetwork and I already watched it quite afew times.

https://www.clicknetwork.tv/how-beautiful-are-you

It is such an amazing video(: I mean, this has been used and overused so many times by advertising companies, by pschologists etc. But nonetheless it is still touching(: I think everyone will almost always rate themselves lower than how their friends/family would rate them. Though tbh I don't think the with and without makeup thing applies to everyone. I mean.. most people I know don't really put on makeup? But anyway the main reason why I have rewatched this so many times is cuz it is really sweet!! Touching ttm.

Anyway! That was a random.

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Another random; is love every enough to justify feeling like a hypocrite?
Is love enough to justify the fact that I am going for all those 'religious' classes despite my obvious dislike of them? Isn't that so hypocritical to go for them pretending I am fine but inwardly just really hating the whole time?

Is love enough such that I will be able to overlook how much of a liar and hypocrite I am? I don't wanna look at myself and feel like a liar and a hypocrite. But then, how?

I don't know. Recently had a very bad quarrel to the extent we really almost broke up. I know, I said that sentence countless of times. "We almost broke up". What's new right, same old thing she's saying but it never happens. Except this time we really almost did. In the end same thing again, we decided wait for him to come back. But to be honest, with all that I said, how much I disliked/hated the classes, I guess it can only go 1 way.

Don't know why but I just chickened out and said to wait for him to come back before we settle it once and for all. I've been thinking through it for ages, and there is only one conclusion to our relationship, because I can't give him what he wants. But nonetheless I am so unable and reluctant to give it up. Which ended up causing me to say wait for him to come back and we iron things out clearly.

What's the point of delaying it, I don't know. Only know I still can't do it. Can't end it (the relationship), can't embrace it (the religion).

--
Alot of assignments completed, now for the rest of the semester I have about 4 assignments to go.
Submitted 7 assignments already. This sem feels so crazy, even though last sem I also had alot of assignments to do.

Nonetheless, feeling so stressed from school. I wish I studied fulltime. Where I can do stuff like join sports and stuff. More carefree. Maybe I just don't wanna grow up. Who wants to right. Growing up sucks and I ain't even halfway there. I am so much more immature than people my age, more immature than my friends.

And don't even know what to do in future even if I were to graduate with a degree in Psychology.

--
Just wanna do my travelling to nature-filled places for hiking and etc. Bring me to yogyakarta, nepal, australia, newzealand, iceland, canada etc please.

Honey, I'm Good

So I just finished my 12km Puma Night Run 2016 (awhile ago) and now I'm home and supposed to do assignments because next week I got afew due. :(

But this is a random post about the song I heard at the Puma Night Run which I really liked (it was very upbeat) and it feels very meaningful to me.

Which is the song "Honey, I'm good" by Andy Grammer.

Super catchy song and I just went to youtube to binge listen to it. Ya I am the type if I like a particular song I need to burn out on it by listening to it like FOREVER. Haha.

And I really love the video!! The official music video. Made up of couples ranging from attached afew months to those who have been together for years. I think the longest I saw was 71 years. I might have missed another which might be higher but nonetheless, that is not the main point.

The main point is the video just makes me smile. It is full of love and happiness and all. The simplest of love and how the couples are so happy together singing along with the song. Lovely!!

Like the chorus part the most:
So nah nah honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I got somebody at home,
And if I stay I might not leave alone
No, honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I gotta bid you adieu
To another I will stay true

It's such a sweet song I feel. (: Sweet and catchy and meaningful. LOVELY!(:

I think it's really real too. The song admits that there are 'distractions/temptations' out there, but the guy CHOOSES to stay true. Aint that sweet?! 

Joseph Schooling and the gold medal in the Olympics

Everybody's talking about it. And everybody's excited about it. Definitely I am too!! It is such an honour and pride for Singapore that a true blue Singaporean has won gold in the Olympics! Beating Michael Phelps, no less!! Call me ethnocentric or whatever but wins from Singapore athletes, who weren't Singaporeans but born elsewhere, just don't make me cheer. (Not that I would know of any because I don't follow the Olympics. I followed the last Olympics though) However last Olympics although the name Michael Phelps was already all over, I never bothered to know much about him. But this round I am just so in awe. When I read about his interactions with JS and how he previously and still encourage JS, it is just so WAAAHHH. I mean that's JS's idol encouraging him. Even though they are also rivals in the pool!! How cool!! He is totally like a humble mentor!! When he got silver and JS got Gold he even hugged and congratulated JS. And when reporters were asking him questions he directed them to JS saying that he was the one who won Gold and should be the one being asked questions. OMG so humble!! Just really so in awe about how amazing Michael Phelps is as a swimmer, and how humble and mentor-ish he is as a person.

Anyway, so awesome that Joseph Schooling won the gold medal!! And on a more serious note, a little jealousy. HAHAHAHA. I MEAN IT WAS ALWAYS MY DREAM TO REPRESENT SINGAPORE IN THE OLYMPICS FOR EITHER SWIMMING OR RUNNING!! Hahas. Though I know jolly well that I'm never good enough for that.

But you know when we were choosing Secondary Schools, during my time (not sure if it is just me or what), sports school was like a dream. It was always my dream to get into sports school and eventually train and represent Singapore in Swimming!! Especially swimming because it's my favouritest sport.

Not sure if others felt the same way because I once asked my sister and she said she never had any wish to be in sports school at all.

Nonetheless, I always wished for that because in my swimming class last time apparently I was the fastest in the class in breaststroke. Haha so cool right? Not really actually. All were females (except 2 guys who joined later. They were older than me but started learning later so of course they would be slower?) and I think 2 were younger/same age as me and 1 was older (by 1 year). And of course my sister was in the class as well. So.. not very cool because the class was small so winning wasn't that difficult. HAHAHAHA. When I tell my sister of my OLYMPICS SWIMMING DREAM she never fails to remind me that she passed silver before me (though we started learning at the same time). Well that's true._. I swam one length of the pool with the tshirt and pyjamas on and I couldn't swim back. Held onto the side of the pool and cried. HAHAHAHA. So embarrassing to think about it now. My mum and coach tried to encourage me to continue swimming but I cried and said cannot. Eventually the rest were training for gold cert(?) but I hadn't passed silver but my coach trained me the same as the others because he believed that I was the same level as them. (I joined the next time for silver and passed it with flying colours. Even swam till I lost count and when I checked with the coach who was counting he said I over already and asked me to go out of the pool because I was done)

ANYWAY that is beside the point. The point is I wish I had the potential to be a swimmer in the national team. I think maybe it's also because I had awesome coaches for swimming and running. I mean if I were to be completely objective, I am so damn bloody average in my swimming and running. Maybe even below average. But my coaches never ever said that to me, and made me feel like I was something.

I remember during my athletics days in secondary school, I was always the slowest girl in sprinting. FOREVER THE LAST. And eventually my coach plucked me out to do long distance training instead. The rest of the girls would be doing short distance sprinting but I would be running sets of 1km/set. So even though I was the worst in sprinting and my coach realised it, he made sure to train me in another aspect so I wouldn't get demoralised I guess? Actually I am forever grateful to my athletics coach because of it. I mean looking back now, I see that maybe he decided to train me for long distance because my sprinting cmi. But when I was at that age, I thought it must have been because my stamina was good so he wanted to train me long distance! So I am really glad that he actually put that thought into my mind, because look at me now. I am still doing long distances(: Though not to the extent of regular 21km or 42.195km and not even regular jogging, but I do join quite afew 10kms. And sometimes when I run I think to myself, 'Coach would have been proud to see me like this'. Not because I am fast or have good timings, because I definitely don't. My timings are really cui. But because he inspired me to continue jogging till now. So, thank you coach! Haha

Which kinda brings me back to the whole JS news. His father saw potential in him and paid out of his own pocket to send him overseas to have the best coach. Read an article that another swimmer Quah Zheng Wen did not have those privileges (tbh not many would have those privileges) and perhaps if given the same privileges, might have gone to do better than his pb right now? Well the main point of the article was to slam Singapore for not acknowledging local talents for the Olympics but rather spending money on other less than desirable reasons (read as scholarships for foreign students while Singaporean students struggle with fees). A Singaporean rower Saiyidah Aisyah hadta crowdfund for money to go to the Olympics. Whatt?? I did see that eventually government did do something but seriously? She is representing Singapore and gotta find money herself to go to the Olympics. Thanks Singapore for recognizing and encouraging talent for the Olympics.

Anyway! I am getting long winded and trying to appear knowledgeable about all the money/privilege saga about Singapore providing them to foreign talent instead of local talent. Tbh I only got these information from reading them off facebook, where people share articles and I kaypoh and read. HAHA.

Nonetheless, really wish that Singapore could be more active in looking for athletes to represent Singapore, from LOCAL TALENTS. Haha and secretly wishing that Singapore was proactive about it long ago and somehow I was capable enough. HAHAHAHAHA. OH WELL. I CAN DREAM RIGHT.

I can't join the Olympics and represent Singapore in swimming but I can (and have) join the Swim for Hope event to help raise funds for the beneficiaries(:
I can't join the Olympics and represent Singapore in running but I can (and have) join many runs in Singapore which makes me happy and challenge myself. And my goal is to go overseas for Marathons and also to eventually complete a triathlon. (:

Tony's home leave: Penang, Cameron Highlands and etc

Omg. This blogpost is WAAAAAAYYY overdue.

So Tony came back for Home Leave from 15th June to 28th June. And it was very packed because Penang was 17-20 June and then Cameron Highlands was 21-24 June and then after that was Staycation 25-26 June. So.. super packed and busy.

Anyway so he came back on 15th and luckily I didn't have much work to do, brought my laptop out but no work, yays!! Met him at the airport and then went off home with him taking 858.

After that was doing collect the car he rented at Yishun, and off to do stuff. I don't remember where we went actually. I remember we were supposed to go Plaza Sing to repair his phone but not sure whether we went on that day or another.

--
16 June: Shuffle

We went to Shuffle with AM and SY and I was really pissed. I had some work to do and also needed to pack for Penang trip so I went home while he went to do his stuff. Make specs and etc I think. Anyway so because already settled beforehand that he was gonna fetch AM from work and then drive to Shuffle (supposedly with me but I had work so I split off). So I was gonna go Shuffle alone. No issues with that. Except I asked him whether it was at 8pm and he said yes, so I prepared and went out. When I was at Dhoby I asked him whether he fetched AM already because I didn't wanna reach Shuffle first and wait around etc. And he told me he just left Plaza Sing.

I WAS SO PISSED. He knows I go Clarke Quay need to go through Dhoby (which is where PS is at what), he went to PS to collect his repaired phone couldn't he have the basic decency to ASK ME MY LOCATION TO SEE IF I WAS NEARBY AND HE COULD WAIT FOR ME? No, he fucking rushed to PS to collect his phone and rushed off.

I was already pissed and then I went to Clarke Quay. Reached downstairs of Shuffle and asked him where he was, and he said he haven't fetch AM yet. I was feeling pissed already and this made my blood boil. It was already past 8pm. And then he said I thought I told you its 9pm? WTF. (To be fair I think the day before he did tell me 9pm. But I forgot. But when I asked him on the day itself, whether it is 8pm, he said yes). Stood outside Shuffle for about 45mins just boiling. Really every minute my blood boil hotter. When he finally came I totally refused to talk to him or let him coax me to not be angry. I think AM was alittle taken aback. But anyway eventually after SY reached, also all talk. But really was pissed.

Anyway after that we went tauhuey at Jalan Kayu there, and JT came to meet us too. After that was send AM home, and SY stayed over at her house, and then us home too. I think Tony stayed over.

--
17-20 June: Penang

Took a flight to Penang, and I'm not gonna describe every day one by one but rather as a whole. Penang isn't TOTALLY my cup of tea to be honest. AM on the other hand loved it and declared that she would totally be back again. Tony likes it too, he would la the food was good. I liked the food too. Alot of choices, we didn't even finish all the food places he planned and he was sooooo upset he didn't get to try Penang Chendol.

I found the assam laksa really yummy! Not too spicy and it was sour-ish, SUPER YUMS!! Wished I had the chance to eat there another time before we came back, really liked it! Oh and did I mention. Once I touched down my throat hurt and I couldn't stop sneezing. And I'm sick till now btw. Wth right.

And once I reached Penang I'm sick. My sore throat got progressively worse as the day went by so I asked Tony to help me buy Panadol when he went to guardian. Dunno what else he went to buy because initially HE wanted to go guardian. Anyway, damn suay. I brought my little bag of medicine but I didn't bring the important ones, like FLU, COUGH and SORETHROAT meds. FML right.

Luckily Tony had flu meds so I ate his flu meds and Panadol. Didn't exactly get better but didn't worsen any more so I guess it is a good thing already.

We AirBnB-ed the place, a condo which was really beautiful(: There were quite afew beds so enough for about 6people!

But we only got 3. Even got an upstairs, master bedroom was upstairs with a larger toilet. Downstairs one was tiny.

But I slept downstairs with AM. There were 2 single beds in the 'living room' and because AM watched conjuring 2 she was kinda scared and she said she doesn't mind if we sleep in the master bedroom but hope we don't mind if she carry the mattress up and sleep on the floor. Of course I said don't crazy we all sleep downstairs and tried to force Tony to sleep with me on the single bed BUT he keep looking at the king bed upstairs and he promised ok 1 night sleep downstairs. And he went up to sleep. Haha. He was like GOT SUCH A BIG BED UPSTAIRS U ASK ME SQUEEZE WITH YOU ON A TINY SINGLE BED? Anyway I was sick so might have been a good thing we didn't share a bed otherwise later he also sick. (And the whole trip he only slept downstairs ONCE. And not even with me. It was the last night and he slept about an hour on my bed because we played cards and drank till late, and did packing. So I didn't sleep).

Penang has alot of phototaking places. The wall murals, the museums (I enjoyed the Upside Down Museum tho.) and etc. Visited a temple too.

Visited the swimming pool at the condo and major regret. I dunno why the hell the wind so damn strong (actually I know la, it was near the sea, so confirm windy) AND THE WATER WAS ICY COLD. I swear I was shivering the whole time in the water. AM can attest to that, she laughed at my goosebumps. She say move around then won't so cold. I move I got even colder. My theory is I alr warmed the water around me, I move I am touching new water which is cold! Anyway eventually I went out and suntan. Tony and AM concluded that the water is cold but not as cold as I made it out to be, therefore concluding that I felt that way because I was sick. Which I was really damn sick during that trip.
Also visited the gym for a 3km jog(: Nothing fast and almost died, but at least I exercised. (:

Went cafe hopping too! Not exactly la. Went just afew cafes. Had the most awesome churros I ever ate at a cafe called The Alley. We almost missed it because the top of the cafe had some chinese words. We only saw it by chance. We were walking towards The Alley (which we thought was a distance away) and then passed by a 'random cafe' and AM decided to look at the chalkboard Menu because kaypoh and then SHE REALISED IT WAS THE ALLEY. Damn heng! Best churros!

The first cafe we went was called piknik and I love the atmosphere. Very relaxing. But seriously their pistachio cheesecake last warning. TAKE OUT THE PISTACHIO WORD. NO PISTACHIO TASTE DE!! Was very meh. But the atmosphere full marks!(:

Don't remember much, all in all not exactly my type. I mean I enjoyed the food, but my idea of a holiday involves something like hiking or some kinda sports. Or water sports. Haha. Of course I love relaxing as well. But at least 1 day do something adventurous. But anyway I got it in Cameron, so no complains!

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20-24 June: Cameron Highlands

Cameron Highlands was pretty awesome!! We drove up (again, as usual) and it was really absolutely great to have the convenience of driving because in Cameron Highlands itself basically you gotta drive everywhere. We stayed in the town which had less attractions so we often drove from out town to the other main town.

While driving up, normally I am really the typical sleep in the car. Once my buttock hits the seat and the car starts moving my eyelids start to close. But I really tried to keep awake because this time round noone else to talk to Tony when he drives. Otherwise in Penang usually I sit behind and sleep. Also, because I am sick. HAHAHAHA nola. Either way whether sick or not, I always feel sleepy in car rides.

Anyway, halfway up to Cameron we stopped at the waterfall again to take pictures. Actually the last time we went Cameron we already took pictures. It was also where AM dropped her new polaroid camera ._.

Anyway! After a brief rest continued up and into Cameron Highlands!! Super major love the weather!!

After checking in went for dinner and check for adventure tour because I DESPERATELY WANTED TO GO HIKING. Also, Tony wanted to go up to the peak which meant need the 4 wheel drive vehicle to bring us because the last time we tried going up and it was so steep we were alittle afraid to drive up ourselves.

So we found a travel agency (?) right beside the Starbucks and found the best day tour which fit our criteria! Mainly was the 4 wheel drive up and the hiking I guess. But they also brought us to the BOH tea plantation so we didn't need to drive up ourselves. The tour we booked was for our 3rd day at Cameron.

On our 2nd day we decided to clear all the places which are not covered in the tour, so we went to pluck strawberries and bee farm etc. The pluck strawberries is totally cheat money one lor. Not that plucking the strawberries are very expensive. But the strawberries on the plants are all not very ripe and tiny? But the ones they sell are huge and a lovely shade of red!! Looked so delicious!! So we bought waffles with strawberry jam I think, to eat there. After that we went to a market as well and the strawberries were ALL SO BEAUTIFUL. Made us totally upset and regret plucking our own strawberries. Nonetheless the experience is still fun. Though this is my 3rd time plucking strawberries already. HAHAHA. STILL FUN THOUGH. Because we had a box of strawberries we couldn't buy the absolutely beautifully red strawberries at the market so we ate alot of fried mushrooms. Which were yummy but cold :( They fry beforehand so by the time we buy they were cold.

We also went to another tea plantation to buy tea because Tony wanted something other than BOH tea because he said BOH tea ships to Singapore and Brunei so he don't want. He want something more special and only bought in Cameron. So okay. Hahaha

We also went to the Lavender Farm, looked at flowers and strawberries. But main thing, we ate again. We really go every tourist spot also eat. To be fair the tea eggs looked and tasted fantastic! Once we exited the Farm we bought fried vegetables and coconut drink. Oh goodness. We really didn't stop eating at all because even in the car we were eating.

Then we went off to the Bee Farm to buy my HONEY! I love honey. Walked around and saw the bees in the garden (?) and then went to buy our honey.

Don't remember what else we did on the 2nd day.

3rd day!! My favourite!! Early morning went out and the vehicle which came to pick us up was just totally badass! So country, cowboy-ish!

Anyway they brought us first to hiking! And it wasn't in Cameron. We travelled quite a long time down, and it wasn't cold anymore. But because hiking all around is trees ma so it was cooling. Luckily.

The hiking was really my favourite part of the tour. It was to see the Rafflesia flower but to be honest I didn't care much about the flower. Nonetheless it was worth it to see the flower after our long hike in the forest. If the flower died already I think I better go flip table. Actually no la. I enjoyed the hiking and climbing SO MUCH that no flower I also contented. What I really liked was that my shoes after that were dirty and it totally gave me a sense of satisfaction!! Initially when I stepped into mud I was so upset because new shoes you know. My UA shoes were just bought last Dec and already I stepped into mud quite afew times in this pair of shoes!! But after that, looking at my shoes just made me feel that I did hiking which is not just walking in a forest trail but involved climbing up and down and it made me happy(: Definitely not as jialat as Tony's shoes tho. His shoes totally changed colour ._. During the hike I felt totally no ache so after the hike I was so proud of myself and told Tony I'm not aching at all!! Totally regret because the next day every single movement, EVEN WALKING, caused me to ache all over.

Another thing I loved about the hike was there were 2 dogs with us!! I totally love the one called Milo. And it kept running behind me for quite awhile too! Super happy!! Even when I move to let it go first because the lane is very narrow and I thought it might wanna run infront, it would just stay behind me. I totally feel like it is my guardian angel like that, making sure I don't slip. Hahahaha. On our way back it disappeared tho-.- Think it ran with its owner behind because on our way back our group got alittle stretched out with one guide taking us infront and another guide waiting for some at the back.

Finally reached back to the vehicles and tried blowpipe hunting. Pretty fun though I had to try like 3 times before successfully hitting the board.

Then it was off for lunch and then BOH tea plantation where Tony in the end still decided to buy more tea and then we had a drink each while we just sat and enjoyed the scenery and the weather for awhile. Off to the top of Cameron Highlands after that!! Sat behind with other tourists, and it was totally great to hear them talk. Like they were doing backpacking and one of them was going Thailand the next day!! Totally awesome. They were really well travelled and often went backpacking, so jealous!! Tony sat infront because he wanted to see the view of the road while going up. He was so excited about it!

After an extremely bumpy but exciting ride up, we finally reached the top. After climbing up a structure to get the best view, we went alittle down to walk the mossy forest to find the pitcher plant. Tony found one and kept insisting the one he saw was tiny and wanted to find another bigger one while I just enjoyed the walk through the forest. By that time our group kinda gelled together so we were walking together. Went back when time was up.

Then after that was back to hotel were we rested abit before going out for dinner. OMG HOW COULD I FORGET TO MENTION THE AWESOME ICECREAM WE HAD AT CAMERON. I ate it twice. HAHAHAHA. First time was on first day I think. I saw someone eating icecream (the cornetto type) and totally had craving for icecream so I was looking for the same type. Finally found a mama shop selling those type AND REALISED THEY HAD THEIR HOMEMADE ICECREAM! Obviously anything homemade grabs my attention so I had the yam icecream while Tony chose Matcha. Both were super awesome!! So on the 3rd day after dinner I insisted we HADTA go eat it again!! This time double scoop. Haha.

Then Tony bought a scrub because he wanted to wash our sports shoes. And I stood outside eating my icecream because he finished his but I was still eating mine.

Back to hotel, bathed and then Tony shut himself in the toilet and scrubbed at our shoes. Took him a really long time but the shoes were totally clean after that!! That really touched me because he did it without complaining and he made sure the shoes were totally clean. AND ALSO by that time the heater was off!! (The hotel turns off the heater after 11pm. Wtf right) So the water was freezing cold and he was washing the shoes in the bathtub with the freezing cold water. I really dunno how he tahan because when I wash hand I am already screaming. All the time. HAHAHAHAHA

Oh and for all the dinners at Cameron, more than half were steamboat. And they were really yummy!! Their vegetables are super fresh and sweet!! Totally enjoyed it!! Especially with the cold weather, steamboat is totally great!! Only gripe is that their chilli lose out abit. But to be fair they had the normal chilli but vegetarian one not nice in some places.

Going back was really sad. Really didn't wanna leave Cameron plus knowing that going back meant that Tony was gonna go back Brunei soon. So was quite down about it.

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Well I don't remember what else we did so.. thats all for now! Thats all for this super late post.

我要快乐

Growing up

I will blog a long post soon, I promise. About when Tony came back and etc.

But for now.. I really think growing up sucks. Was just going through my finances and damn, having monetary problems (ok currently not in the red but university fees are giving me a damn headache).

I'm not dirt poor, definitely. But ever since I started University (which has already been a year, surprise!), I have taken up this kinda part-time(?) job working from home. I love the flexibility, I love my boss and my colleague, I love working from home sometimes in my PJs.

I can't complain about the pay because honestly speaking, my boss is overpaying me. And we both know it because when she first offered me this job I told her 'You are overpaying me' and she said 'I know but if I pay you any less you will starve'. Or something like that. However it remains a fact that I can't survive very well on this pay after all. I don't spend much on shopping. But however mistakes made in the past has caused me to be carrying an insurance premium (for a savings plan) which is honestly, too much for me. Right now I can cope, but really, for how long more?

The only consolation I have for myself is that at least I am saving this amount of money and not spending it. But when I eventually need money for my school fees, how? What do I do?

Maybe the main reason why I am so stressed is because right now I can still cope, barely but able (but school fees is a different story), but I really wanna get a bike if I get my license. Not sure why I am so worried financially yet though. Seems like I will never pass Lesson 4. Demoralised and honestly speaking, slight phobia. So.. here's to hoping I will overcome my phobia and get my license asap and stop wasting money on lessons. Getting a bike may be a dream for now I guess.

The world now

Recently there has been so many accidents/tragedies happening. Shootings, car accidents. It feels like everyday I flip open the newspapers or I go into facebook and I see a new accident/tragedy. Or rape.

It's terrible. The word now seems to be dripping with evil and being very dark.

Sometimes I feel the response is terrible too. Regarding the Orlanda gay club shooting, a church actually came out and said the gunman was sent from God. What the fuck seriously. Blood boils. I don't know how there can be such stupid, senseless and unsympathetic people to actually say stuff like that. Who are they to judge. If they actually follow the bible, it says to love your neighbour as yourself, and also that God is the only judge. And I guess especially pissed because they come out and say stuff like that, bringing religion into it and generally worsen the impressions of Christians as a whole. One bad apple spoils the bunch. Same thing happening with Muslims.

And I just see all these things happening and I feel so.. helpless/worthless. I can't help in any way. And okay granted, these are kinda once off incidents. But I am not helping in general. I don't do volunteer work etc. Just feel like I am so useless. I don't like interacting with people and volunteer work generally requires quite abit of people skills. But yet I feel like my life has no meaning now.. Like I am living for nothing/doing nothing.

Anyway.. the world seems to be getting more and more violent. What a time to be alive. :(

Tears

So we have not been speaking since Sunday evening-ish when we had a quarrel over my dinner. Like as in, about my dinner. It was supposed to be a birthday dinner for my sis, and my mum suggested Dian Xiao Er at J8 because my mum was gonna be at Bishan area (at my aunt's shop) before that and also she really likes Dian Xiao Er. (This is on the same day as Deanna's graduation)

Anyway so being the nice gf that I am, I told him about it all, going to eat at Dian Xiao Er at J8 for my sister's birthday dinner. I don't like to lie or hide stuff, and especially don't like to say stuff I don't mean (such as "I try" when he says eat less meat because I know I won't try so why bother giving false hope? I hate people giving false hope so I try never to even give false hope. Also, by saying I try he might take it as a yes and then push for more and more so I don't want that to happen. Already so many times I gave in abit but instead of being appreciative, he just pushes for more.)

So then he kicked up a big fuss about how I could not say I would try to eat less meat etc and how I am still eating alot of meat etc. And I got pretty pissed and told him this is my family dinner, and it is for birthday somemore, and he just replied IN CAPS, something about go with your family then! etcetc.

Now, while I don't super love my sister, nor do I love my father, however my mum is the number 1 most important person in my life and nothing will ever change that. Nothing even comes close to my mum as well. So I got pretty pissed and told him to respect my family.

Basically he said this time (the quarrel) is my fault and then we stopped talking because I definitely don't think it is my fault and he insists it's my fault.

So anyway I've been through Sunday evening, Monday, Tuesday without crying. It just felt like my emotions shut down. I don't know what exactly it means, does it mean I'm starting to love less? Does it mean I am getting numb to the quarrels? I don't know.

But yesterday I went for my Bike Pract Lesson 4, Assessment. And I failed terribly. I was feeling really down about it (I fell off the plank so immediate failure. That said, I also got 28 demerit points. What the hell man. Tell me how to get a bike license like this. I got 12 points from wobbly-when-turning. Omg.)

So I went to SSC because there was a direct bus from SSDC, and because Tony previously transferred me money to change into ringgit for him and he insisted on SSC because he say SSC rates are better than NP. But I checked NP's rates before going for Pract and after Pract I went SSC to check the rates and both are 2.98. I TOLD HIM NP RATES ARE NOT BAD DE LOR.

Anyway, I did tell him before that NP rates are not bad but he just went all passive aggressive and said I shun bian otw to or from bike pract I just stop by SSC change money very difficult meh etcetc. So I just got fed up that time and decided fine he like to make me run around and never think for me, nevermind. As long as my conscience is clear and I know I am not demanding like that.

Anyway so I went to check SSC and it was also 2.98 so I wasn't sure whether to change or not. So I messaged AM because I'm having cold war with Tony. Asked her opinion whether should change or wait (and maybe might go up).

Then while waiting for her reply I went for Subway because I hadn't had dinner. After subway was about 9.12? I assumed the money changer would be open till 930. But I went out of subway and realised the money changer closed already. Oh well, problem solved.

But then in Subway, I heard the song "Locked Away" which was one of his favourite songs, and one song we played endlessly during previous roadtrip, and one song which had very meaningful lyrics, especially at my point in time.

This part:
If I got locked away
And we lost it all today...
Tell me honestly...
Would you still love me the same?
If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn't be strong
Tell me honestly
Would you still love me the same?

So basically I was ordering my food and heard this song. And almost teared there la wtf. At the counter. I think the part that hit me was all the 'situations' and then the Would you still love me the same?. The rest is like rap or something, I'm not sure. Anyway I only remember and feel emotional at this part. And after that I got really depressed. I mean I was already very down about bike, then this happened so I was really down.

Then went home feeling really quite down. When walking back just (as mentioned previously) felt that I am really in a dark place. And it kinda scared me a little because I was starting to wonder whether I am really getting mild depression. Now all along I'm worried I would have depression. I do believe that I am prone to depression.

Reached home and still very down. Even with mummy talking there as normal, I couldn't cheer up. Not sure if mummy realised or anything but I did mention to her I failed my bike assessment so maybe she thought it was that, so didn't comment or ask much also.

Eventually went to bed and for the first time since Sunday's quarrel, I cried in bed. I was surprised I cried. And then after laying in bed for a looooong time and finally fell asleep.

And I woke up today morning with tears in my eyes. I was really suuuper shocked. To the extent I wondered aloud "Why are there tears in my eyes??"

So, I really don't know la.

Tell me honestly
Would you still love me the same?

Long blogpost: Bike Practical & Circuit Revision + Straits Times Run + EXAMS + Sundown Marathon + Deanna's GRADUATION!!

Super long blogpost ahead. Warning!!

Anyway I haven't been updating since mid May. The shark one was a random little post. And on 3June Deanna called me (her graduation was on 4June) and then I was complaining to her that she never update when she said she would update about her sister's wedding! So she said she will soon and she said I also didn't update! And she mentioned "I go your blog and it's still about the shark!" Haha so okay.. Deanna has already updated 3 posts since that day.. so I need to update too. Haha

--
18 May: Bike Pract Lesson 3 (Part II)

I PASSED!!! LIKE A FINALLY!! Actually not really la it was my 2nd Lesson 3 (Part II), so not like i took AGES. But then the instructor mentioned during my 1st time that this lesson should be passed within 1 to 2 tries because it is more like a recap. It is actually just going through the assessment route and the motorcycle simulator. But I don't know why this time no simulator but SUPER HAPPY ABOUT THAT. HATE THE SIMULATOR.

Anyway! So went for class being really depressed and down because I just feel the more I go for lessons the worse I become. Not that I am good to begin with. But as lesson progresses and I make mistakes, I tend to have phobias. Like cornering. Previously can corner well but after that incident I tend to slow down and my timing is unsafe plus I wobble. So.. need to work on it.

Instructor wasn't very pleased with us as a whole so I was seriously thinking die need to retake AGAIN. 2 instructors, and they said we are as a whole quite wobbly, not stable. Especially if need to stop at the end of the figure 8 or crank course. We often end up stopping in the wrong gear (gear 2) otherwise our feet both on the floor.

So they made us practise stopping no matter whether the lane is free or got oncoming vehicle. Which is not bad I guess.. practice makes perfect anyway.

AND AMAZINGLY WE ALL PASSED. Guess the instructor scold scold scold but actually quite soft. But very worried about it.

Instructor mentioned that we could either book Lesson 4 next (which is assessment), or book circuit revision to practice more before going for Lesson 4. So decided to go for CR first for some more practice.

--
20 May: Bike Pract Circuit Revision

So as mentioned, I decided to book CR for more practice but really, I hated it. Basically CR it's kinda own time own target, practice what you want. But noone told me. So I didn't know what to do and got really confused and lost when everyone started moving in different directions. So.. I followed this guy around. Which course he go, I also go. Which is fine because I mean generally I need practice for all the courses right? EXCEPT AFTER AFEW COURSES I FOLLOWED HIM AND HE STOPPED AND I ALSO STOPPED. I THINK HE WANTED TO GO TOILET. And i just stopped behind him and looked at him with I guess the most blur face ever?? Like the "What do I do now, why did you stop?" face. And he looked at me curiously and told me "You can go ahead you know"
Basically I practically followed a guy to the toilet. Wtf right. Haha.

Ended up I decided to just keep following the assessment route for familiarisation of the route plus practice all the courses.

Anyway! I think generally all my courses are not good but I am quite scared about slope because I almost always stall on the slope!! :((

Booked another CR on 24May but in the end didn't go because I wasn't feeling well. So wasted that CR.. and then I decided fuck it and afew days back booked Lesson 4. Just go for assessment. If fail, retake lor.

Really more and more dreading bike lessons. It's not that it's not fun. It is to a certain extent. But when I feel so lousy and terrible at the courses and stuff, it makes me demoralised and not feel like continuing.

--
22 May: Straits Times Run 2016 with Ruth and Jolene

My yearly affair with these 2 ladies!!

This is my 4th year joining the ST Run and it is the 4th year the run is being held!! We are such loyal supporters. Haha! Initially the racepack goodies are damn good de lor. 1st year was SEA Aquarium. 2nd year was Alive Museum. 3rd and 4th year kanasai already. Haha. $200 Chan Brothers voucher, who will use-.-

Anyway! So it fell inconveniently inbetween my exams.. so I didn't train at all. Though tbh, when have I ever trained for my runs. Not that I am proud of saying that.. but I really never ever train. Which sometimes I regret because it means I could have done better!! Nonetheless I did go downstairs for a little jog the week before so.. warmed up my legs abit I guess. Not training though.

 ANYWAY! I didn't sleep at all the night before the run. Was supposed to wake early because need to catch the shuttle bus, but because exams period I study best late at night so I had been studying till 4am most nights, and even though I went to sleep early for a good rest for my run, I COULDN'T SLEEP. So I just lie in bed wide awake trying to sleep.

Was really tired but quite excited about the run. It was drizzling abit so it's good that it was cooling. However AGAIN I had slight stomachache. Mentioned it to my mum and she said aiyo cham liao why recently all my runs my stomach not good :(
Which is really true sia. This year practically all my runs my stomach not on form de-.- Stomach, why you so bad de!

Metup with Ruth and Jol at the baggage deposit area, deposited our bags and off we go to the starting point! After the run, went to a sheltered area to wait for them since it was still drizzling and the floor was wet.

This is the first ever 10km that I fully ran without stopping (except hydration stations), so I am pretty proud of myself!! Most runs by 8km I stop. Which is weird because I realised the furthest I can run without stopping so far is 19km (with a stomachache and injured knee. Meaning I can definitely do better), so I was always upset why a simple 10km I just can't grit my teeth and run all the way.

So this being the 1st time I ran fully a run without stopping, I was super happy!! Not to mention this is my new personal best!! Not awesome timing by runner's records, but to me it is awesome already!!

Nett timing:
1 hour 10 mins 44 secs

-HENG AH BECAUSE 16 MORE SECONDS JIU 11MINS AND THAT WOULD BE SIAN-
My previous personal best was 1hr12min+ I think.

Hang around the area, got FREE COTTON CANDY (only Ruth and I took, Jol didn't want) and took pics. Then went off to collect my Sundown racepack.

Collected and was abit upset because the guys and girls singlet different colour and the guys one is teal!! :(( But ok la after running in mine, I love it too. It's not ugly definitely, just that the guys one is nicer.

Anyway! Collected and decided to eat at Suntec since we were there (the Sundown collection was at Suntec convention hall). Initially wanted Astons but it only opens at 11.30 I think. And it was not even 11 yet. And we were STARVING. So we actually walked one whole round around the fountain area to look at the shops and so many weren't open either!!

Finally decided on Coffee Bean's all day breakfast and it is yummy!!

Once our food come we were totally quiet. Food is super important!! After that we basically went off home. Really had a great time just meeting up with them, talking about school, runs, our lives etc. Really thankful that these friendships have not changed despite my distancing away from them. It's nice to have friends who love you despite everything.

--
I realised as I grow older, there are important people who have slowly faded away. So many people who were once important to me are now so distant. Even Pam. But she makes effort to whatsapp me once in a blue moon and I never make effort, so despite everything I am thankful for her too.

And poly clique, we used to be big. I miss that, when we had bbqs and it was a bunch of us having fun. Now it has dropped to just 3 of us, Deanna, ZG and me. But it is enough for me. These are the important ones. That said, we are trying to pull jh back, and eileen too I guess? But the main one is still 3 of us.

--
17,19,23,26 May: Exams

My exams are cui. My last exam really very high chance of failing. I was so depressed about it and then right after my exams had a major quarrel with Tony. So.. okay. Anyway it has been decided that we will talk it out when he is back so.. I already almost know the final result.

But just very sian. I don't wanna retake any module. And tbh even though I keep telling everyone Honours is impossible already (and it is because need min 3.5gpa but mine is 3.38 and I am not doing well this sem so confirm drop), but I still just wish to do well and get honours. And Tony will never understand it. He just keeps saying he don't need me to get honours also. Ya because it aint for you bitch. Anyway. Everytime I tell him I worry for my school he just says aiya u can de. So sometimes abit sian.

Hope I don't fail any module this sem and miraculously do well!! Fingers crossed!!

--
28 May: SUNDOWN FULL MARATHON!!

MY FIRST EVER COMPLETED FULL MARATHON!!

Previously I think 2years back I joined the full marathon too.. But at 35km, 6.5 hours into the run, I got prematurely stopped because LTA was re-opening the roads. Which was abit sian because with 1.5hours left to do a 7+km it is doable. Because the cutoff time in 8hours.
But because of some miscomm or something between Sundown and LTA, they reopened when we are still running which means we can't run anymore on the roads because it is dangerous to be running beside cars. Only applicable to us slower runners though because the faster ones would have been further infront and not on the roads anymore. So because it was an error on Sundown's part, we did get the Finishers Medal and Finishers Tee. Never wore it though because I am NOT a finisher. I got principles de ok!! I wanted to throw it away but my mum say I crazy, just wear as a normal tshirt la! But cannot leh. it's like LYING you know. ITS LIKE CHEATING. IT'S LIKE A CRIME TO ME.

ANYWAY!! So I was worried because my previous time was quite cui, I walked alot. This time, I had no training AGAIN but the previous Sunday was my ST Run so I did get in 10km worth of run, so that was the only "training" I had. I did go down for a jog but after 1km it started to rain so I stopped after 2km-.- Whats the point right.

AND MY STOMACH WAS NOT FEELING WELL AGAIN. WTF RIGHT.

Anyway I was alittle depressed because noone wished me good luck or gave me encouragement. (That said, I didn't tell many people la. So paiseh right imagine I tell everyone then in the end never complete). The only "encouragement" I got was from my mum who said if I cannot then don't run. Walk or stop.
Not really an encouragement right. HAHAHA. Think she really worried because it is a full marathon and I didn't train at all, plus previously I had that knee pain. And maybe she scared I suddenly die, you know once in awhile got those reports those avid runners suddenly die when they run marathon. Avid runners leh. I am this never-train runner, go for full marathon, higher chance of dying right.

So went to the starting point and stood with the 6hour pacers (the slowest pacers already. I went for the slowest pacers). My goal was to complete it within 7hours because my 21km was about 3hours. Double would be 6hours but definitely after 21km I confirm walk almost all the way, so add another hour for my drop in speed.

Run started and immediately I know my condition was not all that good. Not in best condition, I couldn't seem to find my pace well. And my legs started aching very early on (There was a steep slope about 3km into the run which threw my pace off and caused my legs to ache badly).

Eventually decided to just grit my teeth and my goal was minimum 21km without stopping. What an ambition for someone who didn't train. Actually my initial goal was 35km without stopping which I know its impossible. Then after that I thought ok la 30km. Then after that I was like ok nevermind 25km. Then in the end I thought ok la half la half. 21km.

I only managed 18km. Which was quite upsetting for me because I managed 19km with injured knee+stomachache for my 2xu. So HOW CAN I DO WORSE?! But then during 2xu my legs weren't burning. But this time they felt so heavy!!

But I wasn't really breathless though so I guess my legs are weaker than my stamina? Because my legs gave up first?

Anyway so stopped at 18km but between 18km-21km I did jog quite abit. Like stop awhile, then jog again. From 21km onwards I did alot of walking.

I really wondered whether I can complete the run BUT!! I only brought a change of bra, undies and fbts. I DIDN'T BRING SHIRT BECAUSE I INTENDED TO WEAR THE FINISHER TEE.
So throughout the run I just kept telling myself "You better the hell complete this run and get the finisher tee otherwise you are going home in a sports bra!!"
Though to be utterly honest, I was already was starting to be creative with how I could go home with just a sports bra on. I even thought ok.. I got a small cardigan.. abit cropped.. I can wear it over my sports bra and then use a safety pin from my racebib to pin it close (Like buttoned up) and wear that back home.
I SWEAR. I EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULDN'T COMPLETE IT IN TIME.

But I forced myself to brisk walk even when walking. I didn't walk casually, so I did overtake afew people who were walking because my walking speed was still fast. I saw people resting on benches and OMG the temptation!! But I knew if I stop I possibly would not be able to complete the run because after stopping the legs will ache more.. so I pushed myself to continue walking even though my legs felt SO HEAVY.

Finally out of ECP area really cheered me up. We were in ECP area I think from 6km to 30 something km or something!! Craziness. Like ECP, you go and die can. I hate you so much after this run. HAHAHA

And then they made us run the Barrage. Really WTF. The Barrage in every run I join I am always praying DONT RUN UP DONT RUN UP. It is literally LIKE A HILL OK. RUN UP AND DOWN AND THE DISTANCE NOT THAT MUCH. But we were made to. And almost everyone walked. Waste of energy sia to run up!!

And then was Gardens by the Bay! Which was quite long also. Finally reached the ending point and I was SO DAMN PLEASED. Jogged and then ran past the finishing line, and timing was better than expected!!

Anyway, went to collect baggage and went to find the shower truck. That's what I super ULTIMATE LOVE about Sundown. Not sure about other runs which have marathons (eg Standard Chartered), but those 10km ones never have shower facilities. But my 1st sundown had and I loved it. But it was an open concept, just shower area with the water free flowing down and guys and girls all shower there.. So it's not a very clean wash because you can't take off your bra etc. The bolder females took off their singlet lor. Shower in sports bra and sports shorts. That was back when I was 20? I also took off my singlet HAHAHA. Who wanna look at me right, just wear sports bra and shower lor.
But the changing area was quite "open" also. Males didnt have changing area, females had. But it was just a huge tent, you go in and everyone is just facing the 'walls' and changing. IT WAS SO AWKWARD!! Eventually I changed my top half but I just couldn't bring myself to change my bottoms. I went to the tiny toilets to change my bottoms. Haha

BUT THIS YEAR IT WAS A GROHE SHOWER TRUCK, SEPERATED MALE AND FEMALES, AND WITH CUBICLES!! It is heaven I swear.

Somemore right.. girls no queue!! GUYS GOT QUEUE!! HAPPY DIE ME. Guess it's just that less girls went for the marathon that's why. And not all bathe ma. Plus each truck had about 5 cubicles.
So went in and.. its abit gross la cuz got pantyliner on the floor and long hair. but it's at the corner so I ignored it (also, was wearing slippers, so I'm 'covered')

I LOVED THE SHOWER SO MUCH. The water had a slight scent/fragrance to it but I didn't dislike it. Those who know me would know that I hate fragrances/scents. My nose is very sensitive. But that one was quite refreshing and THE WATER WAS COOL/COLD. Wah heaven, REALLY HEAVEN
My favourite part of my Sundown 2016 Full Marathon isn't crossing the finishing line. IT IS BATHING IN THAT SHOWER CUBICLE WITH COOL WATER, WASHING AWAY ALL MY SWEAT AND COOLING DOWN MY ACHING MUSCLES!

I spent quite awhile in the shower, super happy!! The cubicle beside me, we went into the showers at the same time but when I came out the truck was empty. HAHAHAHA. Well I am well known to be super slow at bathing, and I did take my own sweet time. But I'm not that mean ok, I did peek out through a little hole to make sure outside noone waiting. If have I would have hurried up.

Wore my finisher tee!! And went home. Had craving for KFC breakfast but Northpoint KFC closed down alr, so ok decided Mac brekkie. The queue was HORRENDOUS. So I decided to be atas and eat Starbucks. HAHAHAHA. WORST CHOICE EVER. I thought the Salmon and Broccoli quiche sounded nice and healthy. Cheat my money de lor. the Salmon like one little clump only and no taste de. Somemore they heat up but the middle is cold de. So Upset!!

By the time I reached home I sweat again so I had to shower again. Told my mum my finisher tee I wear for ~2hours, just from the run venue to home, like just for myself to show off liddat, because come back change out again after showering. HAHAHA. Liddat also happy

Nonetheless, TIMING WAY BETTER THAN EXPECTED!!

Sundown 2016 Full Marathon timing:
6 hours 27 mins 25 secs

YAY ME!!

--
4 June: Deanna's Graduation!

Deanna already choped us (ZG and I) long ago for her graduation and initially it was gonna be 18June which I AM NOT IN SINGAPORE!! So we were all pretty upset about it because it's a once in a lifetime graduation. And I missed diploma graduation lasttime somemore.

But then it got changed to 4June!! So I could make it!! Asked Deanna what flowers she liked (I thought her favourite was blue roses, I don't know why) and they were sunflowers. My 2nd favourite flower!! My favourite are baby's breath!

So I went online to look for florists which sold nice sunflower bouquets. HAHA and then I sent 3 of those which I narrowed down to Deanna to chose. So that wont be disappointed ma right? Though it means no surprise la! But Deanna told me to ask ZG so I went to ask him and he chose the one with the bear. Haha I guess it looked most 'graduation-ish'. Haha.

Anyway turns out ZG couldn't go because he hadta go JB. But his morning was free so we decided to meet Deanna BEFORE she went for her graduation ceremony. So I ordered the flowers already but was intending to collect them before Deanna came out after her ceremony. But morning was fine so we metup before her graduation and walked with her to Fullerton Hotel where her graduation was held.

We reached about 9plus and she hadta go in soon after so basically just had a little catchup and took pictures and Deanna went in and we went off for breakfast and then seperate off. ZG to JB and for me was to collect the flowers at Parkway/Marine Parade area.

Went to Bugis to eat breakfast and was disappointed because the KFC doesnt have a breakfast menu. :( So upsetting ok!! I really was hoping to eat the AM Twister Meal!!

Ok anyway halfway through ZG hadta leave because he was late or something so he went off. BUT BEFORE THAT HE WAS NIAMING NONSTOP ABOUT HOW ZINGER MEAL RAISED PRICES SO MUCH AND HE GOT CHEATED. Ya I hadta hear him say that afew times. Uncle much?! Haha

Then went off to Eunos, to take bus to Parkway Parade area. I didn't get lost while taking bus but after alighting I got lost.

On the map everything seems nice and simple right?! There was construction going on. I got TOTALLY LOST and started to panic. Even using maps I could not locate where to go!! In the end I had to use the GPS-ish function on my map and literally hold it infront of me like a compass and follow. Finally found the shop and collected the flowers. I knew the bus to take was very near the place so I immediately ran across the road when I was it was green man. AFTER I REACHED THE BUSSTOP I REALISED I WAS ON THE WRONG SIDE. So I hadta walk back to the busstop on the opposite side.

Finally got up the right bus and alighted at the right stop. BUT IT ISNT INFRONT OF FULLERTON HOTEL. It was Fullerton Bayfront something. So I thought ok the hotel must be behind!! And I anyhow wander and got lost AGAIN. Walked back to the busstop and used my phone map's GPS function AGAIN to find how to get to Fullerton. FINALLY FOUND IT AND GOT BACK INTO FULLERTON! The flowers were heavy!!

Then Deanna came out to find me! Took a cup of coke and then went with Deanna to find her colleagues. Then she say go inside and sit, inside got seats so YAY FINALLY CAN SIT DOWN!! Her colleagues ate while I didn't cuz was still full from KFC.

After that her family came and she took pictures with them, and her friends came and she took pictures with them. EVERYBODY BOUGHT HER SUNFLOWERS. Haha!! I thought I might be the only one to buy her flowers but she received FOUR BOUQUETS!! And all sunflowers haha. I think?

Anyway! Then everyone ate and etc and then she changed out and her family went off. Everyone ate already so we didn't look for a place for lunch so just wandered around looking for a cafe to chill at.

And inbetween they decided to go into Victoria's Secret to look at undies. ._.
Felt alittle weird being in such a pretty shop so just stood at a corner while Deanna and her bestie Priscilla (did i spell it right?) chose their undies. Haha.

Then we went to a cafe in the middle of nowhere? The drinks were not bad I guess? But not all that good either. Deanna had a chocolate milkshake and it was not bad, quite nice. I had an ice chocolate and it basically felt like the watered down version of Deanna's drink. So.. not impressed. Haha!!

The red velvet was not bad. Not a fan of cakes but felt that it was quite nice actually. Maybe also because it looks pretty. HAHA! *shallow*

Chilled there quite awhile and then went out and they were deciding where to go. So Priscilla and her bf were going Cathay. Or Cineleisure. I forgot. I always mix up these 2 places.
And then Kai Jing was going home so left Zhao Xiang (Did I spell it correctly also?) and Deanna's 2 colleagues.

Initially they decided to sing K but dunno why in the end decided everyone go home. Haha. So everyone split off and I took rebound and HOME!!

HAPPY GRADUATION DEANNAAA! Am really proud of you!! It's definitely not easy especially with your work that time being so demanding and having a boss which is not understanding nor reasonable. But through all the shit YOU GRADUATED!! Congrats!!(:

--
Relating to my previous blogpost about general unhappiness, I felt it again. Somehow I have been feeling more and more rotten these few days especially after exams because I should be rested and relaxed but we have started quarrelling all over again. It picked up again.

Also, his mother asked if I wanted to volunteer in July for some event which is bring wheelchair bound people to Har Par villa there for walkwalk etc. Which I am actually quite fine, although I dont get along well with people. I HATE PEOPLE. I do believe that I have social anxiety. Also, I am an introvert. Anyway, I really especially don't know how to relate to old/older people.

So she was telling me that she also asked ZP and ZP agreed immediately and she also mentioned ZP got do these things de (I'm assuming volunteer work), that's why she asked ZP when ZP was at their house.

So ok, she kept emphasizing to me that need to take care of old people de, need to take care of old people de. And frankly I felt quite insulted. YES I FUCKING KNOW IT. I'm not stupid or anything, you tell me first time I heard it and understand already but she kept repeating to me. Just feel like im being compared to ZP, she is like so guai and kind and selfless and does volunteer work while for me she has to keep reminding me I need to work with old people de (so I'm assuming she means I'm not up to it thats why she keep reminding me so that I know what I am getting into before agreeing). Don't get me wrong I think it's awesome that ZP is so nice and kind. But just felt insulted because just feel she is comparing??

Anyway, also because of that I felt worse because as already mentioned, I already think ZP is a perfect girl. And wtf, now I find out she does volunteer work too?! How can anyone be so perfect. And how can I be so terrible. I just look at myself and I feel like I'm looking at a pile of shit.

My self esteem is to the dogs. It's not that I am against doing volunteer work, I once did Project Angelz where we went to cleanup and paint houses for the less priviledged at Macpherson area (the old people residences) and I quite enjoyed it. BUT I hate contact with people as in talking. So I like to do things which I dont need to interact at all. And most volunteer work aren't like that?

Anyway basically feel really crappy. Like not only do I have nothing to my name, I don't earn much, I don't even have characteristics to be proud of. What the hell seriously.

Basically very down. And don't know how to describe how down I am and other factors which also make me down. Basically in a very dark place right now.

<3 p="">Just feel like I'm trying to figure out who I am and should be because I just currently feel like a disappointment. To myself.

Pissed

So I just read yesterday's newspaper and there was a report saying that a beachgoer was bitten by a nurse shark (61cm). And it clung onto her and refused to let go. And what pissed me off was that the shark was eventually killed by another beachgoer. Why?? One witness said that prior to the accident, he saw other beachgoers disturbing the shark and pulling on its tail.

The shark is in its natural environment and just swimming around, and got fucking disturbed and 'bullied' by idiots. Im not surprised it decided to bite a random person? Even though she might not have been the one who disturbed it?

Like seriously? First you agitate it and it reacts by biting someone. And then you fucking kill it?? It is the fault of the other beachgoers! Yes, the shark bit the woman. But did it deserve to be killed? It was just a tiny shark! (they can grow up to3m and it was only 61cm)

My blood boils when people kill animals especially sea animals. Respect for nature!! Why cant people fucking respect it?? Killing for fun is the worst. No, actually the worst is dragging a sea animal out of the sea for selfies. Wtf. A dolphin which was weak instead of being helped, some idiots took it out of the water and took pictures till it died. Another case (not sea animal), a swan or something was dragged out of the pond for stupid selfies and eventually died.

Wtf sia. While i don't believe in the 'do it back to them to let them see how it feels' because it is primitive and revengeful without any learning points to a certain extent. But I seriously think that we should be helping to preserve and maintain the species, especially those which are helpless (for example out of the water) but WE are the ones harming and killing them instead!

Bike Pract Lesson 3 (Part II) and general unhappiness

So I had my Lesson 3 Part II on 11 May and I failed it. Instructor said that my figure 8 longer than 11s and my crank course wobbly. Was abit disappointed because I thought I did fairly ok. But alright. My figure 8 I was comfortable so maybe I should speed up more. Just that got abit of phobia ever since I mount kerb after feeling something scrapping against the floor when cornering.

Anyway, the motorcycle simulation was cmi. Haha. Out of 4 of us students, only I hit a pedestrain. And the worst thing is once I started I already went into oncoming traffic and 'got hit by a car' already. So already died once. Then 2nd time hit pedestrain, other people die. Cmi. Kept going "Shit! Shit!" I swear I am the noisiest. The rest didn't even make a sound.

Not looking forward to repeating the lesson especially the simulator. :(

--

Anyway. More and more I have been feeling unsatisfied and unhappy with myself and my life.

I mentioned to Deanna before that there was this girl that I felt is perfect. She is seriously just the perfect girl, everything I wanna be and nothing I am. (Anyway note: I can definitely say I am not a lesbian now ok. While I mentioned that there is always a possibility that I MIGHT like females but currently no.)
I guess all along I felt she was perfect and always had abit of envy towards her but because she's so damn nice and we used to meetup once in awhile with others etc so the feelings of envy aren't so bad? (she's not exactly a close friend. Abit complicated link but basically not close. And not gonna explain more incase people guess. Which shouldn't happen because I think only Deanna reads my blog in this whole wide world. Haha).

Anyway I used the word ENVY because it isn't jealousy.

Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.
Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person

And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone).

So, explaination done. It's envy because I lack desired attributes of hers. She is just basically perfect. Sporty, pretty, damn good natured, polite, easy to get long with, and EVERYTHING. She's basically everything I wanna be. And it's not even like she tries very hard. She is just so naturally perfect, wtf.

So basically I guess everything was okay until when we all went on a trip to Port Dickson. Small group of us. And then I was on the pill (so that my period wont come so I can play WATER SPORTS!!) and also because of all the tension from frequent quarrels with Tony before the trip, I was generally damn cranky and bad tempered. And basically on the trip I was kinda on my worst ever behaviour and I don't know whether I am being oversensitive but just feel like she sees me differently now. And it gets to me because if someone is so damn perfect and nice and all, and she treats me differently, means I am really some kind of a fucked up. You know. If even the nicest person is just nice to you becase have to rather than naturally, you know you are fucked.

ANYWAY, however it is all thoughts on my side, because as mentioned we are not close at all, we don't randomly meetup or chat or msg at all. It's just that previously I guess there was a period of time we went out as a group once in awhile but now the meetups are non existant, and I'm wondering whether they are avoidng me because I am such a bad tempered bitch. Although tbh I think circumstances have changed and her bf has a bike so generally no time to meetup (working parttime with bike) and he is usually the initiator.

So basically just feeling bad about myself in that case. Abit sian also because she's the swim buddy I went Swim for Hope 2015 with and if this year have we did say we would go together. I may be overthinking the whole avoiding thing though. Also, so many swim events I see this year which I wanna join but I keep resisting and feeling sad about it, because it is expensive and I don't wanna hide from Tony but if I tell him we will just quarrel because he always thinks it is a waste of money. So.. alot which I see and I think wah it would be nice if I could join, maybe can ask her also. But then I know can't pass Tony's stage so wtf don't even bother.

I WOULD LIKE TO STRESS AGAIN THAT I AM NOT CURRENTLY LIKING FEMALES. (Though why am I so defensive I don't know. Next time I read back my posts I might be laughing at myself like wtf is wrong with you woman being so defensive). Anyway I told myself if this relationship with Tony ends, I don't wanna ever enter a relationship again.

Which comes to the topic of my relationship with Tony. Our quarrels have been more and more frequent and honestly speaking, ever since he cancelled the Australia trip, I feel like.. I died abit inside. Really don't know how to describe it. I still love him alot, but somehow I often find myself thinking about our relationship. I don't wanna end it, but I don't seem to be able to see a future with him anymore. How can someone just cancel something which is so damn important, AND THE WORST THING IS THAT WE ARE STILL GOING OVERSEAS IN THAT PERIOD?! Why can't Australia go through but we can go Penang (with AM) and Cameron Highlands for the same number of days?! How issit possible to just dash someone's hopes and expectations just like that and override it within days?

So.. because of the Australia trip I feel like we have somehow grown distant emotionally. At least I seem to be withdrawing somehow. Even though I still can't even think of ending the relationship.. but it's just been very down period for me. Often when I mention it he will tell me don't think about it already because it is cancelled, don't continue brooding over it. But how can I? How can I stop? What can I do to make myself feel better about it? About how close I was to my Australia/Tasmania dream trip only to have it cancelled just like that.

Another thing, related to Australia, is that I feel that I am doing nothing with my life. I look at my life and I feel despaired. What am I doing? I am 25 this year with nothing to my name. Working at a job which earns me so little although it is flexible, and I really love my boss and colleague. Studying my 1st year of Uni at age 25. Wtf. So many of my friends, many younger than me, have graduated long ago. And what am I doing? Pursuing a degree which I don't even know how to apply in future.

I am 25 this year with nothing to be proud of. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I have not ticked off anything from my bucket list, I have not travelled extensively like I wished after I graduated from poly. I want backpacking trips, trekking, hiking, ski diving, scuba diving, cliff diving. I want to overcome my phobia of heights and go rock climbing. I wanna go mountain climbing. I want to go on a solo trip. I wanna finish a full marathon, an aqualthon, a TRIATHLON. I wanna visit Australia, Tasmania, Japan, Iceland, New Zealand, Cambodia, Nepal, Vietnam. I wanna see snow. I wanna go on missions/charity trips to help in 3rd world countries or Africa etc. I wanna learn and go horse riding. I wanna experience a working holiday. I wanna swim with wild dolphins, learn how to ride a unicycle, stargaze with with the Milky Way clear above my head.
These are all in my bucket list, and many more which I have not listed out/thought out. I want to live my life without regrets.

I want to pick up new interesting skills. I wanna take up Kickboxing. Or Taekwondo. Or Muay Thai. Or Self Defence classes.

AND WTF AM I DOING?! Sitting on my sorry ass doing nothing but feel depressed. This year my leave left 3.5 days, and out of the 10.5 days of leave taken, 6 days are taken for Penang and CH. 6 FUCKING DAYS WHICH ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FOR MY AUSTRALIA AND TASMANIA TRIP.

I really just feel so depressed.

Bike Pract Lesson 3 (Part I), The Performance Series Race 1 and meetup with DEANNA!

So last Wednesday 27 April was my bike pract and I was so damn worried about it. Demoralised and pretty worried in general. So went up and looked around to see who were wearing the green bibs. Not THAAAAT many, so I guess it is slightly less stressful? No girls as well. Definitely less stressful. Whenever there are girls I feel more stressed because there is someone to compare with. Haha.

Anyway we went to ebrake first and amazingly I managed to not go over the yellow line for EVERY SINGLE TIME. Which is damn amazing for me. Anyway so I was feeling slightly better about it, and then we went to the 2 courses.

Which didn't go very well. Somehow I feel after that time where I felt something scrapping the floor, I don't seem to dare to corner much nor speed up.. so my S course (or figure 8) was like 10s. Which is quite unsafe because the max is 11s. So alittle demoralised. Then crank course somehow I kept jerking because I didn't release the clutch gradually. Felt quite demoralised but seriously kept praying I don't hafta retake again. Even though the skills still not great.

AND I PASSED!!! So damn happy!! Actually when the instructor called us over I saw he held the next lesson's papers, and 3 booklets seperately. So I kinda knew that 3 people passed. So had a bit of hope though was trying not to get my hopes too high. Then he went through 1 by 1 and told them what needed to be worked on and told them sorry need to come back for Lesson 3 again. And then as I saw the booklets decreasing my hope pick up and I PASSED!! Though I was the first one from the 3 and he told me I did have some parts I need improvement.

Tbh I am very worried about all the courses. I don't seem very stable in any. So.. I hope to pass by this year though. I saw Ruth passed her driving and she said it was her birthday present to herself. I would love to give that to myself too!! So I'm working towards it. (:

--

1 May was the 1st Race from The Performance Series and it was held at Punggol Waterfont/Waterway and Coney Island.

Because the lanes were pretty narrow, I started off at a pace faster than normal to follow the speed of the pack and that really killed me. Though of course.. I didn't train again=X But nonetheless the pace killed me even more. By 6km I stopped and started walking. But I did jog once in awhile la.. But was hoping to finally be able to run a full 10km run without stopping.. Never done it before!! Like whole run never stop (except for hydration).

Nonetheless, sprinted past the finishing line and it felt good. Weather was hot because it started later than usual (for good reasons because Coney Island doesnt open till 7 or something so needed to start later so we can run through + volunteers can go in and standby at their positions).

The drink was terrible. Lucozade. Tasted too strong flavoured and caused me to have that phlegm-y feeling. I realised pocari sweat is good during runs. Realised during the 2xu where they provided pocari sweat and it was quenching yet 'bland' enough such that it didnt cause me to have the phelgm feeling which I really hate. Though now I have learnt to make it better by taking both sports drink and plain water. Drink sports drink first and then water to flush it down. Previously I didn't and omg the feeling of running 2km to the next hydration station for water with phlegm-ish feeling while panting is damn terrible.

Anyway!! No plain water provided after the run, only Lucozade, so I was alittle pissed but still drank most of the bottle before throwing it away because I don't wanna waste. Then went off home.

Timing for 10km was 1hour 19min 36s. Not the best time I have had and definitely not what I would have hoped for, but taking into account that I didn't train, I guess it's not terrible.

My goal, since The Performance Series is made up of 5 runs (including one vertical one if I'm not wrong), is such that every single run my timing must improve. So, looking forward to my last run! My goal is to complete 10km in 1hour. Haha. I know it isn't super amazing because I have seen friends who just go downstairs and jog normally/routinely 10km and the timing is around 1hour, but I have nver done it so that's my goal, no matter how slow it may appear to others.

So, jiayous!! Haha

--

Metup with Deanna on 5May for breakfast and Starbucks!! Was really glad that I had no urgent work to do during the time I spent with her. Met at 10am at Causeway for Mac breakfast and then slowly wandered over to Starbucks to chill and just chat. And we did just that, till 3pm. Amazing or what?! It's nice to have someone comfortable to just chill and chat with, because totally myself.

Randomly talked about lesbians and how we would never say we DEFINITELY would not like girls while previously ZG mentioned he definitely would not like men. So concluded that men are quite sure about it while girls are like I might, so I wont say never. Haha. And even talking about who we felt were perfect, or beautiful.

Really an enjoyable time, and then went watch shopping with Deanna because she wanted to replace her couple watch. Being bimbos in the shop wondering aloud whether casio and baby-g are the same brand and... they are. HAHAHAHA. And Deanna really shop damn fast. I don't shop so can't compare. She tried on the white one, and then the black one, and then the white one again, and decided. I was kinda shocked because.. that's fast. HAHAHA.

Nonetheless happy for her that she bought a new watch! Then we went off home seperately and I did some work.

--

Supposed to study for exams. That's why I am blogging. HAHAHAHA. Everything is more interesting than studying. Way behind because distracted everyday. Supposed to complete 2 modules already but not even 1 chapter done. in ANY module. Die.

Bike Pract Lesson 3 (Part I; 3rd and 4th time)

STILL FAIL.

My 3rd time was 20 April and 4th time was 27 April. Nothing much to say about both except I seem to be getting from bad to worse.

On 20 April I actually dropped my bike twice. Insructor was nice though. He said something which I felt was really heartwarming. I was trying to lift my bike back up (and failing) and he ran over and told me wait (for him to come and help). Then he helped me pull it back up and told me "Bike spoil nvm dont later you spoil". Haha. I have never been able to lift my bike up when it fell, whole of this year. Previously years ago can. Guess I am getting weaker.

Anyway 3rd time that time I was doing the figure 8 and I think I went too low and felt something scrapping against the floor. Panicked and then mount kerb and bike crashed-.-

Failed at figure 8 cuz wobbly and ebrake because my ebrake cmi. Instructor told me my cornering was good tho. (:

However maybe because of the fall from 3rd time, during my 4th time I didnt dare to corner much and then same thing, figure 8 not very good. However instructor made us practise turning right and slope, along with figure 8, crank course and ebrake so we basically need to ride quite abit so he can observe our traffic rules as well. Stalled on the slope twice -.- And none of us passed that day. :(

My ebrake I successfully managed to all brake within the yellow lines but the instructor not pleased enough. He said too close to the yellow line.. So..okay:( I did manage to stop before the yellow line tho!! Quite upset about it, so strict.

But anyway I also know its for my own good, just really demoralised. And he said my traffic rules and checking blindspot still need improvement, so okay lor.

So Lesson 3, still fail. Next Tues is next pract and I really hope to pass. Fingers crossed!!

Bike Pract Lesson 3 (Part 1; 2nd time)

Realised that spending a long blogpost on my practicals are abit useless because they are quite repetitive. But nonetheless wanna jot them down so still blogging about them (mostly individually) but much shorter.

2rd time Pract 3 Part 1 on 13 April so.. more stressed. I mean if it's my 1st time there is no stress for me to pass. Because that's just impossible for me. But however from 2nd time onwards I feel stressed.

So anyway saw another classmate who was from my previous lesson and talked abit before class started. And we went to level 3!! So was quite fun(: But I guess level 3 is more of for cars so there were SO MANY CARS. Irritating sometimes because sometimes they are kind slow especially before the bend.

Anyway, didn't do very well and need to repeat. Ebrake posture incorrect, and for the courses kinda wobbly.

But good thing is that instructor said my crank course is quite ok, my figure 8 or S course needs brushing up. Because I keep going very near curb and kinda wobbly. But he did praise me saying I dare to corner (and he said he was quite surprised. Which is abit insulting because I assume that's cuz I'm a girl. But then again he was very nice so that's ok I don't think he meant it in an insulting way). He said I dare to speed and dare to corner, just that I tend to go near the curb and abit wobbly. Otherwise is ok

So, looking forward to yet abit afraid for next lesson! Which is tomorrow 20 April. Finally managed to book one which is nearer. Past few lessons are like 2 weeks once.

Hope I pass!! I dont wanna retake AGAIN!!

Mulan

Who am I to wish for a Shang when I am no Mulan.

The only similarities I have with her is that my name also starts with an M, am not a typical girly girl, and I dont fit in.

2XU Compression Run 2016!

My first ever 2XU run! Never joined it because I always felt 2XU is kinda.. more serious sports-people type. I mean just look at the 2XU compression leggings!! Expensive ttm so only those really serious ones would wear them!

*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! 19KM WITHOUT STOPPING!*

So anyway I was so busy with assignments before the run, and because I was so lazy way before that, I didn't train at all.

It was on Sunday 03 April and so on thursday I went down for some serious lastmin training. Intended to jog a 5km but just before hitting 5km, my inner right knee started to hurt. And I NEVER felt that kind of pain before. I don't mean its excruciating. It isn't. But I never had pain on my inner knee before so I was quite concerned.

So I stopped since I was reaching 5km anyway, and went up to rest.
On Friday I went down again for another last minute jog, my last one because Sat I intended to rest for my run on Sunday.
But less than 2km into my jog, my right inner knee started to hurt again. And it got progressively worse so I stopped before I even reached 2km.

So by then I was alittle worried because that could totally happen during my run and I didn't wish for it to happen.

Anyway, Sunday came and I woke up with an uncomfortable stomach. I ate alot of chilli on Friday and sufferred on Saturday already but I didn't think it would drag till Sunday.

So I was already not on form because I didn't train, I had knee pain, and I had stomachache.

So anyway went and the run started. And less than 1km into the run, my right inner knee pain kicked in. Which made me so worried but was tolerable so okay, I continued jogging.

And then about 12km I started having really bad stomachaches. Like my hair totally stand type. I really wanted to stop but I knew if I stopped I cant start again so I pushed on.

AND AMAZINGLY I MANAGED TO JOG 19KM WITHOUT STOPPING!! (except at hydration stations but once I drink fnish I jog again)

It is really amazing because I think the max I ever jogged without stopping was like 13 or 14km. And this time it is 19km!! But honestly I was quite upset because if not for my stomachache (which was what made me stop and it was so painful I couldn't jog again till the finishing line whr I just had to sprint across. But other than that I walked from 19km to near finishing line), I would totally have been able to complete 21.1km WITHOUT STOPPING. I know I could. Because amazingly my legs weren't tired and burning. It was the most amazing run so far in the sense that my legs didnt hurt/burn Except my knee. and I think PRECISELY BECAUSE of my knee, I focused all my energy on my knee and ensuring I land properly so I dont make it worse, and my stomachache, which made it such that I didn't realise any burning in my legs.

But the thing is also, the next day I didnt have any muscle pains in my calves or thighs as well though. Not sure what happened to me why my legs so power this time. Haha.

Rushed to toilet after the run and semi-diarrhea-ed. I think I am totally amazing for being able to persevere with that kind of stomach pain!! Woohoo! Even after going toilet it still hurt like hell so I totally wished for a cab but there was a queue and no cab. So mrt-ed back and went toilet another twice. Ate meds and sleeeeeep.

And got my run results!! Nett time 2hr57min08s. BEST 21.1KM TIMING SO FAR!! PROUD OF MYSELF!!

But unfortunately, its already Wed and my knee still hurts.

Overdue posts - Loong post ahead. Bike Practs, Green Corridor Run, meetup and etc

Long post ahead because it consists of afew different days and things done.

On 27 Feb I metup with Deanna and Eileen. And Zg joined us later. Actually in the morning I went to Funan to buy earpiece for Tony because needed to pass to his attach who is going over to Brunei. So I rushed out early in the morning (which is amazing considering I am a pig) to buy it. Then Deanna told me she will be early so lets meet earlier! So I rushed back to Yishun after buying and collecting my Green Corridor Run racepack and dropped by Tony's house to collect something because I also needed to pass it to his attach the next day. Rushed ttm.

Homed to put down stuff and off out again to meet Deanna! She trained towards yishun and I got on, our destination was FAR EAST! Because she was contemplating painting her nails. And I wanted to eat so we went to some restaurant which sold ramen (I didnt like it), and 'cuz Deanna actually already had lunch with her friends so only I ate. That was about 2plus 3. So at the same time Deanna was texting Zg and she mentioned that we were eating and he was like u all are eating? But you all are meeting eileen for dinner in about 2plus hours time right..? HAHAHA then we were like oh shit. And I was so damn full from the ramen. Had a good time just catching up and chatting with Deanna during the meal, just being ourselves.

Then we wandered around and Deanna went to paint her nails while I decided not to 'cuz my nails were tiny short. After that we rushed off to meet Eileen who was early and we were late. I think she waited for us like about half an hour. o.0 Sorry Eileen! 'Cuz Deanna and I were both full/not hungry so we shared a meal, and we ordered fries for all 3 of us to share. Also did some catching up especially with Eileen whom I havent seen since my 21st. That is a loooooooooong time!

After that we were not sure where to go but somehow we went to dhoby area to meet Zg. He havent eat so we pei him while he eat at kfc. In the end after abit of wandering around, they decided to sing k. I am fine with it, I always am. I dont mind going, as long as I dont sing. I dont mind paying full price too actually. Even though I dont sing with the mike but sometimes I do sing along. And basically just enjoy myself.

After that it was getting late and I had stupid curfew so we went to outside of SOTA for some polaroids! Took and then split off home. Deanna and I went to take train while Zg and Eileen bus-ed home 'cuz they both stay east and quite near.

--

So 1 March I had bike Pract 2, my first ever lesson for Pract 2. So went there and basically was kinda uncomfortable because I am generally socially awkward. So anyway I got a bike which was not bad, and overall was quite ok. In the sense that everything also not done very well. HAHAHAHA

Slope I didnt roll back, but I cant seem to catch the feeling so I'm always struggling. Traffic rules I sometimes here and there forget to check blindspots and etc. Or some other things. Narrow plank ok-ish but sometimes fall. Pylon Salom or whatever it is called, ok but slow. Didnt hit cones at all (Specified because lesson 2 I did terrible at it).

So basically instructor after lessons went through 1 by 1 who was weak at which parts. Which I appreciate because it's nice to know what you are weak at, rather than if the instructor were to say ok you all are all ok but need improvement still. Then like erm ok but which one?

So my Pract 2 Lesson 1 was ok-ish, didn't fall, nothing much.

End of story for Bike Pract 2 Lesson 1

--

On 6 March was my Green Corridor Run, which was one of my favourite runs last year! So was pretty excited about it although disappointed that the shirt this year not as nice. Last year's is one of my favourites in my cupboard so.. I must admit it's hard to live up to that. But nonetheless, not THAT bad. Just not very nice to me. Haha.

Anyway! Because I went for Compressport Corridor Run just 2 months back in Jan, so I was a little concerned because the route was very muddy then. So was super hoping and praying that the route would be fine! And it was!! Mostly fine la. There were afew portions which were a little muddy but I can live with that.

HOWEVER. I DIDNT TRAIN AT ALL. In Jan I jogged/swam quite abit but the terrain was muddy and totally not suitable for running.

But this time round, due to CNY and other reasons, like Tony came back and my general laziness, I didn't jog at all in Feb. And so I went for the run with absolutely cui stamina. Which was a pity because the route was pretty fine.

Also, my sis cooked dinner the night before and it was SPICY!! Therefore around 4km plus I started walking because I had quite a bad stomachache and if I continued running I think I would keep farting and maybe shit my pants. o.0 HAHAHAHA

And once you stop you cant start already. And once I tried to run my stomach hurt again.. So basically only jogged a little bit more of the last ~5-6km

However I must say the crew were awesome!! They were so enthusiastically cheering us on to run!! Totally appreciate because when I see them so enthusiastic, I feel I have to run so that their efforts are not wasted!! And because that route is nature-y, there were quite afew caucasians bringing their children out walking along there, I guess they like the nature part of it, so they cheered us on too!! Totally awesome experience.

My timing was very cui so a little upset. But I guess it just means I gotta buck up!!

It is the last Green Corridor Run because the area will be closed for construction of the MRT lines.. So I guess it's a little bitter sweet.

But we received a small towel along with our finisher medals, so I think it was a really nice surprise! I mean.. I don't recall them ever saying there would be a towel..

All in all I did enjoy my Green Corridor Run!!

End of Green Corridor Run 2016

--

My 2nd bike Pract 2 was on 9 March. It was quite jialat. My Pylon Salom or whatever it is called, never once done properly. Which was strange because I did do it quite ok during my first pract. But then turns out somehow I always become neutral gear.

Infact, the instructor even had me sit at the back of the bike and demo-ed TWICE for me while I am behind. But somehow when I do it myself always kena to neutral. So of course had to retake.

--

My 3rd bike Pract 2 was on 15 March. AND I FINALLY PASSED PRACT 2!! Actually I was quite shocked because the same problem happened, I kept going to neutral and therefore couldnt complete the course. But then I realised I did kick to 2nd gear (I stared at the 2 to make sure I really kick to 2) but somehow when turning I might have accidentally nudged the gear and it went to neutral. I asked the instructor about it and he said ya because SSDC bikes are abit old and etc, so sometimes if you put pressure on the gear it might go down. So.. means when I am turning I accidentally put pressure on the gear causing it to shift to neutral. :( Actually I didn't expect to pass, because I am really still very worried about my pylon salom.

Nonetheless! Finally saw my 'friend' from 1st ever lesson again! And he remembers my name wth. Guilty for not remembering his name!! Anyway so he was already at Pract 3. And he was really encouraging. Before lessons started he greeted me with a cheerful Hi! and we talked awhile. He said he thinks I'm very courageous to stick to it and continue my lessons, after which I told him actually its very discouraging to everytime retake. HAHAHA but he said he also.

Then he asked me, how did I tell my parents that I wanted to learn bike and how did I convince them to let me learn? Because he has a daughter (still young) and he was wondering how to respond if his daughter were to tell him. And I guess depends on how persuasive she is? Haha. So I told him, it was super easy. I went "妈我要学 bike" and she went "orh 学 lor"
And he was like HUH JUST LIKE THAT? Wah your mum very cool ah.
Haha. Told him it was 'cuz my mummy wanted to learn when she was young too. And as for my papa, I didnt really care.

--

1st Bike Pract 3 was on 29 March!! Really sian because its 2 weeks after. I wanted to every week have bike lessons but then no slots avail!!:( I only want the 8.15 slot because its the best, I can go home after that and work. Other slots not feasible because I do have work u'kno. Anyway!

So I was the only one in the class to be first time, the rest were repeat students. And tbh just at the start I was already feeling demoralised. I almost crashed into my instructor when he turned in to park (I thought he was going straight so I didnt turn in time and ended up doing a sudden turn and going super close to him).
So he showed me the crank course and S course and.. told me to join the group. Haha so.. not too bad, didnt fall or anything but timing wise I am not too sure. But when getting my bike to join the group, my bike fell. And as usual I wasnt able to lift it back up. Super demoralising sia last time I can de leh!!

This class had alot of nice 'classmates' so it was nice(:

During the ebrake portion, instructor said I didnt hit the speed but I see on my speedometer is close to 40 already leh. Mayb the front light spoil. *excuses* HAHAHA OR MAYBE I REALLY NEVER HIT IT LA.
Or sometimes I over the 2nd yellowline, or brake before the 1st yellow line.

And everytime I went back to queue again, one of the classmate will ask me "so how?" And I would tell him what the instructor said and he would laugh and tell me he also. Then he told me he often get said that he brake before crossing the yellow line so now he just let it go abit more before braking more. So confirm wont kena brake before yellow line.

Well obviously I didnt pass in the 1st try (do I ever), but I have come to the conclusion that I am the slow and steady type. Not the gifted type. HAHAHAHA.

But really worried more about my pylon salom actually.

Ohwell! And next pract is more than 2weeks later. Sian.

--

ALRIGHT THATS ALL. I had assignment to submit on Sun 27 March, Wed 30 March, and 1 more to submit 2morrow which that 1 I totally havent started. SO BURNT OUT.