summarise 2day in 1 word: cui.

2day was cui 2 de max
but it aint oni 2day
everyday ever since scho0l reopened, was, is and will probably be for the next few weeks, has been cui for me. ok, mayb till the end of the year

its been really cui weeks in school
never felt THIS bad b4, serious.
no comparison. i never broke down about scho0l/grades b4, u see. but i've already broken down 3 times in less den a week.
1st time was thurs.
then it was fri.
then 2day

awesome. im so burnt out & so emotionally drained.
2day was really bad. but wad happened was juz the tipping point
i've been feeling perfectly blah ever since school started.

school's been tough. competitive class. hard modules. vocal classmates.
on rare times when i do noe the answer or would like 2 try, it often gets "snatched" by more vocal classmates.
& i can oni blame myself

& it adds up
& builds up
accumulates till everything is bottled up

i cant tell pe0ple ab0ut this. every1'll go "wah lau please ur studies so gd u still dare say u stress" or mayb "please u 1 ut will cover back already"
but they dont understand

in rp the thing i actually shine in, is studies
no doubt, im not even very good in dat.
but it's de 1 thing i see myself dat i can actually be proud of.

sports? no.
making frenz? no.
studies? more likely

so i invest alot in my studies. i make sure i understand even if i dislike the module. i make sure even if i really dun like the faci, i still make sure at the end of the module i still do well, cuz if i let a faci stand in the way of my grades, 2 me, im weak.

[juz 2 clarify: for 2day, despite everything, i agree wif wad sp said, dat this faci is really a go0d faci. i do agree! she has really great teaching style & skills. makes me understand easily & i really applaud her 4 dat. but its de accumulation & build up dat caused the tears.
thanks jiawei&SP & really sorrie 4 making u all get scolded when its my fault.
thanks deanna, brendan & jiawin 4 ur concern.
i really appreciate it, really. but i didnt reply u all cuz i noe i'll cry there&then. & i didnt wanna.
& oso thanks 2 dedrick 4 listening 2 me dat day, even tho its like already quite late. 4 taking all my crap & trying 2 console me. (ps:i "totally 4gif u" ab0ut the jogging thing=p the fainting in the end fyp thing^^)
thanks all!]

& den my grades dis sem turned out like shit. (so far my grades are very shitty)
& i remember friday crying 2 my mom telling her everything. telling her the reason behind my tears.

the truth is, yes. im a very insecure girl. & im not ashamed 2 say it.
i do place alot of my securities in my studies, cuz dat's 1 thing i can at least do ok.

i remember crying 2 my mom saying i was afraid i couldn't get into a university. & i wanted 2 get into NUS. impossible.
i remember crying telling my mom "jiejie so smart how come im so dumb?"
i remember telling my mom private U v expensive.
i remember crying till my shoulders shook like crazy & i remember crying till after i stopped i had those little short bursts like im short of breathe & i'll suddenly go "hur!hur!hur!" & struggle 2 breathe

& i remember my mom hugging & patting my head (cuz she was standing i was sitting thus hugging my head) & telling me im silly 4 crying about dat.
she consoled me saying she never expected good grades from us. she juz wanted us 2 be happy can already
she told me dun worrie about university & my current grades. i still haf the whole year left.
she told me dun worrie ab0ut money. she used 2, but now she dun anymore, & she goes on holidays 2 enjoy now.
& i remember she used herself, telling me she didn't even graduate but she's doing fine now

& most importantly, i remember her being there 4 me when im at my very lowest.
thanks ma, love u(:




other den dat, 2day was cui, but ip man2 was really awesome!!
went wif lianjie&ruth
funny, tho we're usually v crap but every1 seemed so dead
i wonder why
muz b they haf their own problems as well?

but ipman2 is really great(:
seriously de reason why i like donnie yen is cuz he learns wushu(: & he is hot as well
& dats y i like ipman as well!! de movie i mean..cuz its all about wushu(: & all the other wushu/martial arts movies.



i really dun wanna burden any1 wif my stupid problems.
but i wish my mom would noe when im down. cuz she's really a mom(: