succesfully survived 2nd week of scho0l alth0 during the week i really g0t veryveryvery tired
as i t0ld dumbdumb,ever since scho0l started i've been the scribe 4 ws & ppt alm0st everyday,& its really taken a toll on me

its really draining
but de again,i quite enj0y being a scribe cuz i get 2 understand & noe exactly wad the content page is,etc etc
but i dun deny dat its draining

my classies are nice,i dun deny dat
in fact i str0ngly believe dat alm0st every1 in rp is nice
*note:ALMOST every1
not every1 is

anyway
i guess sometimes i juz feel,i d0nt belong
i dont belong 2 this class

& i haf a really nice classie,& when i see her patience & everything,i feel so..
inferior
i feel like..hey,there are so many nice pe0ple 0ut there
who says i haf the chance 2 be a fren 2 people
etc

i dunn0

& seeing her rite
really makes me think
who are we 2 judge?
so wad if some1 is different from us? she treats him the same
even when 0thers see him & laugh at him behind his back, make fun of him, provoke him, she treats him as a fren, no difference at all
oh my gosh

i cant do dat
i cant do dat wifout feeling weird, wifout feeling dat pe0ple are gossiping ab0ut me, wif0ut feeling dat people think I am as weird as him
but the truth is she is so accepting
she accepts every1 as they are
& why cant i? why am i so judgemental? egoistic? attitude problem?
who says he IS weird? he might be,he might not be,but he's human all the same,& he's still God's child
wh0 am i 2 judge others?

& she's pretty & hardworking
its like s0 w0ah
as i was saying dat time
it makes me feel even uglier den i normally think i am
even dumber & even lazier den i normally think i am
even more nasty den i already think i am

& i think
she's sorta like my role m0del ba
i wanna be m0re like her(:


im really missing my classmates
my beloved classes last sem
the thing ab0ut an everyday-same-class class?
[in my case, 4 day same class 1 day diff]
when there are cliques, & u're n0t in it, u feel so..
..inferior
..small

yea
n0t yet,but i predict
soon,soon

i prefer everyday change classes

but i like my class too
juz dat im really n0t close
& n0t so comfy wif them yet
even if i AM noisy in class & everything
im juz trying 2 hide my discomfort

everything i d0, i wonder:
how would my classmates think of me?


&
sometimes i can talk so well on msn wif pe0ple etc
but face2face
its silence
& sometimes i can even confide in them
tell them my deepest darkest secrets
& yet
i cant talk with them normally,normal conversation
is there something wrong wif me?
interpersonal skills not developed?
communication problem?
i dunno

but i really wonder
why i can tell my close frenz ab0ut my secrets etc
yet sometimes i juz cant find anything 2 talk ab0ut in a normal conversation

why?