So.. some things have happened recently.

I thought the worst of yesterday would be my simmering anger about my father and his insensitive remark. I was SO WRONG. But it had nothing to do with my father. Thank goodness. One situation with him a day is more than enough.

Anyway.

So, suddenly I got questioned about whether I went out with a mutual friend. Which obviously I didnt. I was home the whole day studying (not really. Trying but failing to). But nonetheless, I was definitely at home the whole day. Heck, I didnt even step out of the house, not even to my corridor. (I might lack of Vitamin D like that huh?? o.0) But anyway. So he says if I say never, he believe me. But continued questioning me. Apparently someone saw me with said mutual friend and told him. Questioned him who it was and he said dunno. Like WHAAAT? Funny. NOT.

Anyway i do kinda doubt his story about someone saw me. Don't know whats the purpose behind that anyway. But it's kinda hurting when I already said I didn't yet he seemed to not trust, yet said he believed. When he said that sentence, I knew he didn't fully believe. There wouldn't have been a need to mention that. If you believed you wouldn't have pressed for more. The worst thing? I ALWAYS update/tell him beforehand when I'm meeting friends. Leading to often quite afew quarrels when they are people he does not like (aka every single one of my good friends except said mutual friend)

But then he suddenly went "Don't make me disappointed and make serious decision. Trust me girl. I will do it de."
By then we were talking about the touchy topic, the religion.

I realised.. he can threaten me. With a breakup.
But when I threaten him with something else, he scolds me and ignores me.

After afew more heated to-and-fro conversations, he said this "If you don't appreciate what my mum done for you all each Fri. If you got issue going let me know. Don't go. Don't be an idiot spreading ur own ideology.", and after afew more sentences, "My mum put in so much effort trying to teach you all. Share with you all good stuff. This is how you repay her back".

Wow. my blood really boil.
1st. I never liked and wanted and you knew it all along. Dont act stupid or play dumb.

2nd. What ideology have I been spreading around? How come even I don't know about it? And to call me an idiot for doing that. Yes, I complain. I dislike. I grumble. But I spread my own ideology? Wha-at?

3rd. Your mum put in effort. She does it because she's willing and she likes to have classes and teach stuff I am not interested in, repeating things to me when I understood it the first time but NO she needs to explain/show me 3 times before she thinks I understand. Plus, I didnt beg her for this. I am totally fine without it. However that doesn't mean I'm not appreciative when she cooks. I am. Its the lessons. I don't like it. People have different beliefs and it's not wrong to have different beliefs.

4th. Abit linking back to the ideology thing I guess, because the "this is how you repay her back" seems to be talking about that. What nonsense has she been saying behind my back about me. I know for a fact she talks about me behind my back. I have been told by you before that she said I had a bad temper. So obviously she does and probably often? But more importantly, she doesn't know anything, HOW CAN SHE SAY STUFF LIKE THAT ABOUT ME? It's not like i haven't seen her gossipping. Or just little thing can make it like such a big deal. Guess that's where you inherited your assumptions characteristic. You assume, and then assume that what you ASSUMED is the TRUTH. It ISN'T. Take some times and grow some balls to question people instead of coming up with your own assumptions and putting others' down or spreading rumors/gossips about others.

Spent 1 hour plus, instead of studying which I seriously need to do because I am SO BEHIND ON MY REVISION, but instead spent 1 hour plus staring at your whatsapp.

Why.

I just want simple things. Someone who wont judge me. Someone who will respect my beliefs and me. Someone who wont restrict me. Someone whom I love who loves me back. I have never tried to change anything of you. I have tried to give in so much, to my unhappiness, just for you. Have you sacrificed anything for me?



Am I so difficult to love?

I guess it's really as you said. I am.