just when i thought things were getting better. then i realised i never got any better. just the mere mention of you sparks all thoughts. talks of going overseas sparks thoughts of you too. everything reminds me of you.

yet i somehow now have the contentment of being single. being single has its perks. i can randomly go out with friends, no worries at all. just like nowadays when we go malaysia suddenly!! twice already(: with pam tony hakam. its fun! being single is fun. except the only thing is i still have the nagging feeling that being attached to you sounds better. far far better.

but then again!! then i wouldn't get to meetup with my beloveds RANDOMLY. seriously random. friday suddenly pam called (last friday) ask wanna go malaysia, go home take passport and lets go! so after work rushed home to take passport, explain things to my mum and it was off!! amazing. i have an amazing mum who lets me do things as i wish. its nice to have parents who allow 'cuz they know i'll have fun, they know i'll enjoy. and they know i'll regret if i can't.

its awesome to have such random friends too! tues even better. actually was newton circus with pam. in the end? malaysia again with de 3 of them(: mum nagged at me 'cuz she worried.

but i realised. im only gonna be young once. infact im not even very young anymore! 21 this year. i wanna enjoy while im still relatively young.

overseas study. i super want! it's my last chance at studying. i don't wanna do it in singapore. i've done it for what? 13yrs? gimme a change! and lemme go with my bestie. hahas. loove her.

and i only ever think of having fun. everything also must be linked to fun! sometimes i wonder whether i'll ever grow up. i'm still immature. immature in love, in work-related/grownup related stuffs. still not good at talking to people i meet. i'll clam up and retreat to a safe corner.

still love disney and swings.

maybe i'll never fall in love. its not hard to think that way 'cuz i shy away from people quite easily. and i spook and run away quickly. it needs soooooooo much time and effort to know someone before im comfortable with them. its so difficult eh. thus my backup plan: adopt a child, buy a dog and live happily ever after with my bestie. unless she gets married and no longer is in favour of living with me. which then i'll live sadly ever after. HAHAHAHAHA!!

random post END.

went drinking wif ruth, sarah and amanda last thursday. (which ended cui-ly 4 me)

met sarah 1st and passed her the baileys i bought when i came back from hk which i eventually didnt drink much cuz i didnt like baileys=( stupid of me 2 buy it. should haf bought like martell or chivas. ANYWAY!

then amanda came and den ruth. ate at mos burger 1st before going off 2 mr punch 2 drink!! was so excited at first. nw when im blogging it i constntly have the "oh God whyy" kinda feeling.. so..ya.

1st time ever gt drunk and my antics nw dat im sober juz makes me wanna hide my face 4ever!!

ANYWAY! we went 2 mr punch and each bought 1 drink 1st. DEN aft dat we decided 2 open bottle-.- (wasted our money on our drink=( but den gt 2 try ruth'sfav butterscotch liquer and its nice eh!!)

den played games etc, and drank another 3cups. chivas wif coke. abt half cup each time? dunno la. den abit cannot walk straight le (bt still can cuz i managed 2 go 2 de toilet myself , including walking up and down afew stairs.)

den come back ruth and i decided 2 do our 3secs! oni de 2 of us was on. so i do 1st. den sarah count. den once i drink fin its ruth's turn and cuz i was worried abt her i told sarah "count faster"

den i heard ruth say "EH WAD COUNT FASTER!!"

den she started her 3sec. my last sober moment i remember sarah telling me "i counted faster 4 hers" i nodded and i cant remember much anymore.

can oni remember i cried and i kept apologising 2 amanda cuz im nt so close 2 her bt she listening 2 me cry and rant.

HAHAHA!! cry always cuz of same ol' ol'.

amanda was laughing like mad when she told me i kept repeating the same things

"这么办amanda..我觉得我很丑.. (repeats 4 god noes hw many times)

这么办amanda..我觉得没有人要我.. (oso repeats this super many times)"

HAHAHAHAHA!! nw i think back its funny.

bt de embarassing thing is i was so drunk i literallylie everywhr. lie down on de floor in mr punch, lie down in the toilet. and i was so drunk amanda hadta pei me 2 de toilet. embarassing!!=(

den most embarassing: nt oni de 3 of them saw me like this. they called in a church brother 2 send us all home. and i dun even noe him well and he saw me liddat. zomg. he sat behind me during svc on sat and aft i realised he was behind me i didnt dare turn behind at all. wanted 2 thank him bt too paiseh.

and den they brought me home and de 3 girls brought me up and left me lying on the kitchen floor cuz i said im ok they can leave. somehw i managed 2 crawl my way 2 de bed in the living room so my parents wont suspect i was drunk (which amazingly no1 realised i WAS. of cuz they didnt see me when i juz came in wif my frenz cuz its super obvious i was drunk? bt mum woke me up at abt 5am and i was relatively sober enough 2 ans her. juz having really bad headache. she gave me pillow; bolster and blanket and insisted i eat meds. bt she didnt noe i was drunk juz before! whew)

i lied 2 my mum saying i didnt go into my own room cuz she was sleeping wif me and i didnt wanna disturb her=x

ANYWAY! my 1st drunk experience. never again. i couldnt walk straight and 2 people hadta support me on each side. i felt so helpless and my head was spinning and everything. really cui

the next day i went 2 work and was in quite a bad mood throughout=x

AND shaoyu quit alr so these past 2days at work has been hell. >:(

he's too gd la. controlling everything; the class flow esp in english cuz its like soooo messy thr. i really miss working at math side=( really really miss.

ANDDD the end.

blogging again for i-dunno-wad reason cuz no1 reads my blog and i've gt nothing interesting 2 blog abt anyway.

hw come my frenships are always liddat one? its confirm smt 2 do wif me alr lor. the fact dat none of the people i care abt share their problems wif me. those whom i dun really care abt dat much are happily sharing wif me. thanks? hw simply ironic sia. i really wanna be wif my frenz thru the good and the bad but, funny. they're nt allowing me to. mayb im not dat important to them. really juz wtf is wrong wif me dat no1 i love ever shares anything wif me.

and then relationships can get so fragile. everybody seems to be breaking up now/this yr. omg. i dun even wanna get into a relationship if this is hw the world is going.

and i haf cravings for icecream and SWINGS. swings swings swings. so intense cravingg luh. bt yishun park renovation leh? i think no more swings next time sia:'(

gonna sleep real soon. but was juz really wondering whether all my friendships are like one sided?

its kinda sad actually. my friends are ALWAYS thr for me when i need them. like i noe for sure pamela/ruth/tony will be thr 2 listen 2 me rant and basically accompany me and comfort me.

i've NEVER done dat 2 them. its like people NEVER EVER CONFIDE IN ME. wtf is wrong wif me dat this happens?

people (aka brendan and tony cuz they're de oni 2 people i told this "problem" abt) tell me it's cuz

1: telling me their problems will NOT help them solve their problem

2: telling me their problems is no use cuz i wont understand

3: telling me their problems will not only nt solve their problems bt make me worrie more

BUT. BUTBUTBUTBUTBUT. if u dun tell me somehw i'll still find out rite? and even when i ask people still remain tight-lipped anyway.

makes me sad v often. cuz i feel my frenz dun trust me enough 2 open up and share wif me.i WANT to share wif u ur hurts, i WANT to comfort u. bt u're nt letting me.