I think its sad that we were friends for so long.. but just really drifted. Or maybe not. Might not be a sad thing to you. like omg finally you are rid of that irritating girl in your life.

Sorta kinda knew that there were things you weren't pleased with me about. But you never once told me or even showed signs that you were displeased. I thought everything was fine and dandy and then boom. Found out through fb that actually you are not exactly that pleased with me. It really hurt that time. To be told indirectly and for all to see that I am immature and its embarassing to have a friend like me. But I never asked you about it, and you never mentioned anything, ever. Nothing at all to me, when you see me its like everything is fine. Why couldnt it have been directly told/asked? Where I would have been able to explain myself.

There were other things too, that you seemed to be unhappy with me about. But still, you never told me. And seriously speaking, I am really quite dense when it comes to these things. I'm really stupid and dont know how to read people well.

But I thought friends should express how they feel about each other, whether good or bad, so that we can all improve on our relationship skills.

What used to be meetups which felt like no time had passed between us, chatting so comfortably when we meet, became very rare meetups (though mostly my fault due to a possessive bf?) with awkward silences where I dont seem to know what to say much because I dont want to pry and seem just kaypoh. But since you are not forthcoming with sharing about your life, I would not dare to push. I wouldnt dare to do alot of things now because I realised there seemed to have been abit of resentment in you against me.

And now when i see your picture on fb, it seems like I'm staring at someone I know very well, yet at the same time, I dont know at all.

That's exactly what it seems.

i suspect depression?

So many things i did.. but still, you zoom in on the things i do wrong..

its tiring to always quarrel. its tiring to always have to defend myself.

Its so tough when i make effort and then when i get angry at you for telling me things last min you turn the table around and scold ME for being difficult and etc.

Everytime i talk to you i have this fear that anything said might escalate into a quarrel. Yes, no doubt im always the one who starts shouting/getting agitated. But you have a special fucked up way of saying things which are so damn demeaning, patronising, condescending and super insulting.

Then when i get angry because you calmly insulted me, you can say why must i get so agitated, you are talking in a very nice tone.

So passive aggressive. I dont know how you do it. but you sure are manipulative.

Sometimes I hate you.

Too bad it seems like i love you more? I dont know. I know nothing except that i miss you but even then i am afraid to dream of anything.

Even though we are planning a little group trip to Port Dickon with the rest, im afraid we might breakup before that and how awkward it would be. I probably would do a no-show then. I really dont know. Something is definitely wrong if i am thinking such thoughts right?