been so long since i last blogged.

new job, new environment.

really miss kumon, but at the same time this job is awesome as well. great bosses and colleagues. i can learn alot here.

however i still go to work with a feeling of dread cuz im always afraid i gotta call. i stutter when i call and mind blank.

complain to you, and all you say is u work there for awhile alr shouldnt you be used 2 it etc? i want comforting words when im down, not only when we're feeling happy etc. comforting words are so easy when u're happy. but when im down, u always kick me. why?

you say love. yet what i feel sometimes is control.

dnt control me, im not a pet. love me, im human,

Is love supposed 2 hurt so badly?
people around me who are attached, some seem really happy, some seem in similar situations as me. not entirely similar, but still.

i thought this love would last like for FOREVER. after all its already been 1year2months (almost) since we first gt 2gether.
been through so much alr, bt the main problem remains. because im only willing to compromise up to a certain point but he wants fully convert.
and not only that, he wants to buy over his own house. i want my own NEW house. a house to call my own, not a room to call my own.


but it hurts so bad, i dont wanna break. end of the day he's the last person i think of when i sleep and the first i think of when i wake
(even when im half awake i asked my mum whr he was.)

why does love hurt so bad? i thought it was supposed 2 conquer everthing.

love.

what a painful emotion.
quarrels, tears, unattainable expectations.

looking through old blogposts; and a ppt dat my church group made for me for my 18th birthday.

reading them all (the well wishes and the blogspots) really make me sad. i used 2 be so much more cheerful and happy and nonsensical.

its like ever since i graduated the happiness and joy all leaves as well. everyone is rushing and trying 2 grow up, and telling me 2grow up as well. its tough, having 2 always haf 2 suck it up cuz people dont appreciate the fact dat i love my low paying job. the fact dat i am happy at my job cuz of my colleagues and the cute kids who randomly might say stuff 2 cheer up your WHOLE day. its like when a child comes and finds YOU  when they need help; dats the most rewarding time. when they're lost or dont know how 2 do and come up 2 u and say "but i cannot",its like meltssss.

but at the same time my life juz seems so sad. no JOYS in my life. i dont feel as happy as previously. granted,i STILL do haf happy moments, but my life is so BLANK now. i dont even have things 2 update and when i do its all negative stuffs.

frenz being upset wif you becuz u're not mature enough; frenz asking you 2 grow up.



i miss the cheerful joyful me. where did i go wrong?

yesterday at work, an ultimate cute kid took english for the first classday. she's a math student and we all super love her

when she came in she said to me "i like english."
me: ya but u muz do math 1st okay?
little girl:*gives me a very blur and innocent face* math? what is math?


OMG. sooo cute!!

Stitch: This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.

Lilo: Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.