谁还记得　是谁先说　永远的爱我
以前的一句话　是我们以后的伤口
过了太久　没人记得　当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手　说要一起　走到最后

我们都忘了　这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的　有一天　有一天都会停的
让时间说真话　虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后　我们都不知道会不会有以后

谁还记得　是谁先说　永远的爱我
以前的一句话　是我们以后的伤口
过了太久　没人记得　当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手　说要一起　走到最后

更多更详尽歌词 在魔镜歌词网 
我们都累了　却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑　怎么说　怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么　也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人　等著对方先说想分开的理由

谁还记得　爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中　看见了不同的天空
走得太远　终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我　要有两个　相反的梦

谁还记得　是谁先说　永远的爱我
以前的一句话　是我们以后的伤口
过了太久　没人记得　当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手　说要一起　走到最后

我和你手牵手　说要一起　走到最后


--

Forever? To be fair you never said you would love me forever. But I guess it still hurts nonetheless when the relationship is going downhill.

"See your memories" on Facebook - 6 years ago

So Facebook reminded me of my memories. and this was what happened 6 years ago. Goodness I feel old. I also do miss Poly times. When everything was fun. And this stupid SP wasn't an aeroplane pilot yet._.

He used to be such a good friend!! Nonetheless, I still have Deanna and ZG(: I do miss Jasper too.

Random; I took my 1st paper today and bumped into Jiawei(: It was so heartwarming when he said to me that he thinks/imagines me to be someone who work with kids. And I was like I WANT LEH!! Thinking to find children-related jobs when I grad(: But long way to go. Exams are here but stressed 'cuz I didn't study.

1st paper down  ut did badly. Hope to pass ba..

♡

A thousand times I've failed

Still Your mercy remains

And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your Grace

♡

The Cold War

So we have not been speaking since Friday. Because of long story, and basically because I went suntan with Deanna (and ZG) on Sun.

So somehow he was just being his typical controlling self, asking lots of questions again and again when I already answered and generally the conversation was going bad.

Then after that he mentioned that even if I lie he also wouldn't know if I didn't tell him honestly (about whether I will be wearing a bikini). And I was really quite pissed because end of the day the trust is still not there. I have proven myself countless of times but despite it all he still doubts me. I dunno. Everytime go out with friends he will keep telling me don't go drinking even though I have proved that I haven't drunk with my friends for super long and I don't. But regardless of that, he still doubts me. Tell me once is fine, but not keep repeating it. Telling me once I will be abit turned off also because I have already consistently proved myself so why still need to bring it up? But repeatedly just makes me so mad. Means the 1st time I said I won't he doesn't believe or trust at all.

Anyway so in a fit of anger I replied that trust is fundamental in a relationship and if he always don't trust me the relationship won't be able to last!

And he immediately got all negative as if I said wanna break like that. So anyway, then after that we cold war. Not before he was sarcastic and said that he will think through about what I said and make the right decision. The fuck is 'the right decision'.

I dunno.

My whole emotions are all very confused now. But I refuse to be the first to speak. And tbh I think this time, he feels the same way too. Normally in the end he comes and talks to me first (but not in a nice way. Usually in the blaming way like saying I can do perfectly fine without him it seems etcetc. Which then leads to another quarrel. And he always insists he comes and talks to me first, NICELY. Wth).

Random blogspot filled with random stuff

But first, HI DEANNAAAA!! HAHAHAHAHA!!

Anyway! You are like my one and only loyal blog reader so I can greet you by name. SO COOL HOR. HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway! I came across this video on Clicknetwork and I already watched it quite afew times.

https://www.clicknetwork.tv/how-beautiful-are-you

It is such an amazing video(: I mean, this has been used and overused so many times by advertising companies, by pschologists etc. But nonetheless it is still touching(: I think everyone will almost always rate themselves lower than how their friends/family would rate them. Though tbh I don't think the with and without makeup thing applies to everyone. I mean.. most people I know don't really put on makeup? But anyway the main reason why I have rewatched this so many times is cuz it is really sweet!! Touching ttm.

Anyway! That was a random.

--
Another random; is love every enough to justify feeling like a hypocrite?
Is love enough to justify the fact that I am going for all those 'religious' classes despite my obvious dislike of them? Isn't that so hypocritical to go for them pretending I am fine but inwardly just really hating the whole time?

Is love enough such that I will be able to overlook how much of a liar and hypocrite I am? I don't wanna look at myself and feel like a liar and a hypocrite. But then, how?

I don't know. Recently had a very bad quarrel to the extent we really almost broke up. I know, I said that sentence countless of times. "We almost broke up". What's new right, same old thing she's saying but it never happens. Except this time we really almost did. In the end same thing again, we decided wait for him to come back. But to be honest, with all that I said, how much I disliked/hated the classes, I guess it can only go 1 way.

Don't know why but I just chickened out and said to wait for him to come back before we settle it once and for all. I've been thinking through it for ages, and there is only one conclusion to our relationship, because I can't give him what he wants. But nonetheless I am so unable and reluctant to give it up. Which ended up causing me to say wait for him to come back and we iron things out clearly.

What's the point of delaying it, I don't know. Only know I still can't do it. Can't end it (the relationship), can't embrace it (the religion).

--
Alot of assignments completed, now for the rest of the semester I have about 4 assignments to go.
Submitted 7 assignments already. This sem feels so crazy, even though last sem I also had alot of assignments to do.

Nonetheless, feeling so stressed from school. I wish I studied fulltime. Where I can do stuff like join sports and stuff. More carefree. Maybe I just don't wanna grow up. Who wants to right. Growing up sucks and I ain't even halfway there. I am so much more immature than people my age, more immature than my friends.

And don't even know what to do in future even if I were to graduate with a degree in Psychology.

--
Just wanna do my travelling to nature-filled places for hiking and etc. Bring me to yogyakarta, nepal, australia, newzealand, iceland, canada etc please.

Honey, I'm Good

So I just finished my 12km Puma Night Run 2016 (awhile ago) and now I'm home and supposed to do assignments because next week I got afew due. :(

But this is a random post about the song I heard at the Puma Night Run which I really liked (it was very upbeat) and it feels very meaningful to me.

Which is the song "Honey, I'm good" by Andy Grammer.

Super catchy song and I just went to youtube to binge listen to it. Ya I am the type if I like a particular song I need to burn out on it by listening to it like FOREVER. Haha.

And I really love the video!! The official music video. Made up of couples ranging from attached afew months to those who have been together for years. I think the longest I saw was 71 years. I might have missed another which might be higher but nonetheless, that is not the main point.

The main point is the video just makes me smile. It is full of love and happiness and all. The simplest of love and how the couples are so happy together singing along with the song. Lovely!!

Like the chorus part the most:
So nah nah honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I got somebody at home,
And if I stay I might not leave alone
No, honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I gotta bid you adieu
To another I will stay true

It's such a sweet song I feel. (: Sweet and catchy and meaningful. LOVELY!(:

I think it's really real too. The song admits that there are 'distractions/temptations' out there, but the guy CHOOSES to stay true. Aint that sweet?! 

Joseph Schooling and the gold medal in the Olympics

Everybody's talking about it. And everybody's excited about it. Definitely I am too!! It is such an honour and pride for Singapore that a true blue Singaporean has won gold in the Olympics! Beating Michael Phelps, no less!! Call me ethnocentric or whatever but wins from Singapore athletes, who weren't Singaporeans but born elsewhere, just don't make me cheer. (Not that I would know of any because I don't follow the Olympics. I followed the last Olympics though) However last Olympics although the name Michael Phelps was already all over, I never bothered to know much about him. But this round I am just so in awe. When I read about his interactions with JS and how he previously and still encourage JS, it is just so WAAAHHH. I mean that's JS's idol encouraging him. Even though they are also rivals in the pool!! How cool!! He is totally like a humble mentor!! When he got silver and JS got Gold he even hugged and congratulated JS. And when reporters were asking him questions he directed them to JS saying that he was the one who won Gold and should be the one being asked questions. OMG so humble!! Just really so in awe about how amazing Michael Phelps is as a swimmer, and how humble and mentor-ish he is as a person.

Anyway, so awesome that Joseph Schooling won the gold medal!! And on a more serious note, a little jealousy. HAHAHAHA. I MEAN IT WAS ALWAYS MY DREAM TO REPRESENT SINGAPORE IN THE OLYMPICS FOR EITHER SWIMMING OR RUNNING!! Hahas. Though I know jolly well that I'm never good enough for that.

But you know when we were choosing Secondary Schools, during my time (not sure if it is just me or what), sports school was like a dream. It was always my dream to get into sports school and eventually train and represent Singapore in Swimming!! Especially swimming because it's my favouritest sport.

Not sure if others felt the same way because I once asked my sister and she said she never had any wish to be in sports school at all.

Nonetheless, I always wished for that because in my swimming class last time apparently I was the fastest in the class in breaststroke. Haha so cool right? Not really actually. All were females (except 2 guys who joined later. They were older than me but started learning later so of course they would be slower?) and I think 2 were younger/same age as me and 1 was older (by 1 year). And of course my sister was in the class as well. So.. not very cool because the class was small so winning wasn't that difficult. HAHAHAHA. When I tell my sister of my OLYMPICS SWIMMING DREAM she never fails to remind me that she passed silver before me (though we started learning at the same time). Well that's true._. I swam one length of the pool with the tshirt and pyjamas on and I couldn't swim back. Held onto the side of the pool and cried. HAHAHAHA. So embarrassing to think about it now. My mum and coach tried to encourage me to continue swimming but I cried and said cannot. Eventually the rest were training for gold cert(?) but I hadn't passed silver but my coach trained me the same as the others because he believed that I was the same level as them. (I joined the next time for silver and passed it with flying colours. Even swam till I lost count and when I checked with the coach who was counting he said I over already and asked me to go out of the pool because I was done)

ANYWAY that is beside the point. The point is I wish I had the potential to be a swimmer in the national team. I think maybe it's also because I had awesome coaches for swimming and running. I mean if I were to be completely objective, I am so damn bloody average in my swimming and running. Maybe even below average. But my coaches never ever said that to me, and made me feel like I was something.

I remember during my athletics days in secondary school, I was always the slowest girl in sprinting. FOREVER THE LAST. And eventually my coach plucked me out to do long distance training instead. The rest of the girls would be doing short distance sprinting but I would be running sets of 1km/set. So even though I was the worst in sprinting and my coach realised it, he made sure to train me in another aspect so I wouldn't get demoralised I guess? Actually I am forever grateful to my athletics coach because of it. I mean looking back now, I see that maybe he decided to train me for long distance because my sprinting cmi. But when I was at that age, I thought it must have been because my stamina was good so he wanted to train me long distance! So I am really glad that he actually put that thought into my mind, because look at me now. I am still doing long distances(: Though not to the extent of regular 21km or 42.195km and not even regular jogging, but I do join quite afew 10kms. And sometimes when I run I think to myself, 'Coach would have been proud to see me like this'. Not because I am fast or have good timings, because I definitely don't. My timings are really cui. But because he inspired me to continue jogging till now. So, thank you coach! Haha

Which kinda brings me back to the whole JS news. His father saw potential in him and paid out of his own pocket to send him overseas to have the best coach. Read an article that another swimmer Quah Zheng Wen did not have those privileges (tbh not many would have those privileges) and perhaps if given the same privileges, might have gone to do better than his pb right now? Well the main point of the article was to slam Singapore for not acknowledging local talents for the Olympics but rather spending money on other less than desirable reasons (read as scholarships for foreign students while Singaporean students struggle with fees). A Singaporean rower Saiyidah Aisyah hadta crowdfund for money to go to the Olympics. Whatt?? I did see that eventually government did do something but seriously? She is representing Singapore and gotta find money herself to go to the Olympics. Thanks Singapore for recognizing and encouraging talent for the Olympics.

Anyway! I am getting long winded and trying to appear knowledgeable about all the money/privilege saga about Singapore providing them to foreign talent instead of local talent. Tbh I only got these information from reading them off facebook, where people share articles and I kaypoh and read. HAHA.

Nonetheless, really wish that Singapore could be more active in looking for athletes to represent Singapore, from LOCAL TALENTS. Haha and secretly wishing that Singapore was proactive about it long ago and somehow I was capable enough. HAHAHAHAHA. OH WELL. I CAN DREAM RIGHT.

I can't join the Olympics and represent Singapore in swimming but I can (and have) join the Swim for Hope event to help raise funds for the beneficiaries(:
I can't join the Olympics and represent Singapore in running but I can (and have) join many runs in Singapore which makes me happy and challenge myself. And my goal is to go overseas for Marathons and also to eventually complete a triathlon. (: